It's interesting to me, how life seems to fly by at the blink of an eye. The Lord has me in Ezekiel, and Habakkuk, and Malachi. I left my Thursday evening Bible Study group. Just felt so led to go deeper with God, and felt that He was asking me to nest with Him, silent, in the stillness. It's hard to explain. I'm actually not as lonely as I was afraid I would be. I enjoy living alone, I have discovered. I love the fact that it is quiet, and peaceful, and still when I need it to be. After the past two weeks of falling asleep by 8:30pm, last night I was awake until 10 or 11pm. Then I woke up at 2:30am. How strange. I was definitely awake for a reason, and for some reason kept having thoughts of all the HUGE mistakes I've made in my life thus far. It was interesting, to say the least. After an hour of tossing and turning, struggling to fall back asleep, I rolled over onto my back, lay there, shut my eyes, and begged God to please take this from me so that I could sleep. Probably the first time I have ever actually done something like that, asking for a simple ease of my thoughts. I actually found that it worked. I was asleep within moments.
I love how He shows me, constantly, how nothing is too big, nor too small, for my Lord. I love how He shows me, in so many ways, that He loves me and cares for me, even down to the tiniest, smallest, most seemingly insignificant detail.
THAT is what faith is all about.
I'm learning. Slowly at times, yet still.... I am learning.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
The beauty of being broken is that the repair job is amazing.
By far my biggest challenge in my amazing walk with Christ has been my habit of picking men who ignore me in one way or another [daddy issues, yes I know... I'm a work in progress]. Having a presence in my life that goes out of their way to make themselves known to me, who actively pursues me, who absolutely NEVER ignores me and makes sure that I realize they are there.... well it's freaky. And sometimes it makes me want to come out of my skin because it is so unknown, so uncomfortable.
No human can fulfill this desire, this desire for completeness, this desire for the trampoline for my falls. I feel so overwhelmed by emotion when I think about the faithfulness of God. I started a Book of Miracles, on the suggestion of a friend, because there are so many clear concrete examples in my life that I hope to never ever forget them.
Perhaps what stuns me the most is the clear communication I get from Him on High. There's really no ambiguity. It's very black and white, with no real wiggle room. I honestly believe it's because I'm so frickin' stubborn that I don't listen until it IS absolutely black and white, no wiggle room. I realize every single time when I'm smacked upside the head who is doing this, where this comes from, why this is happening. I remember when Parke left over a year ago, and the wedding bells crashed, who was doing this. I didn't like the feeling, but I still knew that this was supposed to happen. I fought it, for five months..... but I still knew, deep down, that we weren't supposed to get married, I just couldn't admit it because my ego was too wrapped up in this "perfect" guy and his perfect family. I have come to the realization that the love I felt from his family kept me going far longer than our relationship actually did. Again, still seeking to fill that huge void, that black hole in my soul. Freedom is painful as hell.... I won't lie. The process of rending is like having your soul ripped out through your bellybutton. Sometimes you hurt so bad, all you can do is run away from polite civilization, up into the mtns and the trees, and pound and scream your fury and your hurt broken heart out into a tree.... something that won't break from your rage, your fury. Last year I did that more times than I can recount, in the midst of running back into his arms. [I did mention that I am stubborn...] Finally I couldn't stand the running. I gave in. I surrendered. On my knees, broken, sundered.
The beauty of being broken is that the repair job is amazing. The cracks still exist, that's called learning experiences. Much like my tattoos... all incredibly hard lessons to have learned, but beyond valuable to my growth and the state of my being, my soul. Much like my absolute adoration of crows feet, and scars on people. They tell a story, much like music does. I adore my scars and my silvers and my crows feet.... they say that a person has lived. The LIVING IS WHAT MATTERS. Obey without freaking question, and you are amply rewarded, rewarded beyond measure. I cannot explain this enough, with clarity for those with ears to hear. I heard it repeatedly before I finally got it. But.... I got it.
Just Breathe..... and let go. Fly.
No human can fulfill this desire, this desire for completeness, this desire for the trampoline for my falls. I feel so overwhelmed by emotion when I think about the faithfulness of God. I started a Book of Miracles, on the suggestion of a friend, because there are so many clear concrete examples in my life that I hope to never ever forget them.
Perhaps what stuns me the most is the clear communication I get from Him on High. There's really no ambiguity. It's very black and white, with no real wiggle room. I honestly believe it's because I'm so frickin' stubborn that I don't listen until it IS absolutely black and white, no wiggle room. I realize every single time when I'm smacked upside the head who is doing this, where this comes from, why this is happening. I remember when Parke left over a year ago, and the wedding bells crashed, who was doing this. I didn't like the feeling, but I still knew that this was supposed to happen. I fought it, for five months..... but I still knew, deep down, that we weren't supposed to get married, I just couldn't admit it because my ego was too wrapped up in this "perfect" guy and his perfect family. I have come to the realization that the love I felt from his family kept me going far longer than our relationship actually did. Again, still seeking to fill that huge void, that black hole in my soul. Freedom is painful as hell.... I won't lie. The process of rending is like having your soul ripped out through your bellybutton. Sometimes you hurt so bad, all you can do is run away from polite civilization, up into the mtns and the trees, and pound and scream your fury and your hurt broken heart out into a tree.... something that won't break from your rage, your fury. Last year I did that more times than I can recount, in the midst of running back into his arms. [I did mention that I am stubborn...] Finally I couldn't stand the running. I gave in. I surrendered. On my knees, broken, sundered.
The beauty of being broken is that the repair job is amazing. The cracks still exist, that's called learning experiences. Much like my tattoos... all incredibly hard lessons to have learned, but beyond valuable to my growth and the state of my being, my soul. Much like my absolute adoration of crows feet, and scars on people. They tell a story, much like music does. I adore my scars and my silvers and my crows feet.... they say that a person has lived. The LIVING IS WHAT MATTERS. Obey without freaking question, and you are amply rewarded, rewarded beyond measure. I cannot explain this enough, with clarity for those with ears to hear. I heard it repeatedly before I finally got it. But.... I got it.
Just Breathe..... and let go. Fly.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010 - Remembering May...
I wanted to write about this, because I have come to the realization in the last six months that He truly IS present in ALL the little things. I am CONSTANTLY surrounded by the Lord. So many people scoff and roll their eyes, preferring to believe that God is in this safe box on high, unattainable, too holy by far to bother with us and our trivialities of existence. I finally realized the reason for this... pure unadulterated FEAR. God is OVER-FREAKING-WHELMING to me. Tears fall freely, and it's not driven by sadness by any means, but rather because I am PHYSICALLY OVERWHELMED by what He does to me, how He has worked in my life, how He continues to care for me, day in, day out. He truly IS the trampoline for my falls. Every day I feel like He peels off another layer of my old self, every day a new pair of budding wings are revealed, every day I am that much more free. I got out of the shower this last weekend at the beach, noticed myself in the mirror, and was genuinely happy and accepting of what I saw, naked. I. Am. BEAUTIFUL. I adore my body, and yes, some parts could be tighter, toner, firmer. But honestly? I'm built the way I am and I enjoy it, and I approve of me. I APPROVE OF ME. Do you have ANY freaking idea how AWESOME that is???????????????
_______________
Monday, May 17, 2010
John 2 - Three Things
What is God like?
God himself is present in all things. He takes an interest in the predicament of the poor (they ran out of wine). He works miracles with water, the very element of life. He not only changes water into wine, but He changes it into the very BEST wine, the choicest of vintages.
He also demands respect for His house, and will physically drive out and reprimand those who take His house for granted.
He refuses to perform on command, given by unbelievers, but rather still offers promises that He fulfills in the fullness of time.
He does not need a man's testimony or confession because he already knows a man, inside and out.
What needs to change in me to be more like Him?
Sometimes I have a really hard time realizing or at least, making it part of my every day living reality that He really is present in all things, every little thing. I have no trouble realizing that He is present in the big things, for some reason that's not an issue for me. I feel that it's probably the same for a lot of people, too. But for me, I really have issues with living with the daily awareness that He is literally IN all things, present, always.....
What will I do for Him today?
Today I will be more aware of His presence in all of the little things.....
_______________
Monday, May 17, 2010
John 2 - Three Things
What is God like?
God himself is present in all things. He takes an interest in the predicament of the poor (they ran out of wine). He works miracles with water, the very element of life. He not only changes water into wine, but He changes it into the very BEST wine, the choicest of vintages.
He also demands respect for His house, and will physically drive out and reprimand those who take His house for granted.
He refuses to perform on command, given by unbelievers, but rather still offers promises that He fulfills in the fullness of time.
He does not need a man's testimony or confession because he already knows a man, inside and out.
What needs to change in me to be more like Him?
Sometimes I have a really hard time realizing or at least, making it part of my every day living reality that He really is present in all things, every little thing. I have no trouble realizing that He is present in the big things, for some reason that's not an issue for me. I feel that it's probably the same for a lot of people, too. But for me, I really have issues with living with the daily awareness that He is literally IN all things, present, always.....
What will I do for Him today?
Today I will be more aware of His presence in all of the little things.....
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The Lord Smells Like Sweet Oranges and Chamomile....
I wanted to share something... Sunday during prayer, I smelled the most amazing smell, sweet yet not cloying, not overbearing. One of my favorite scents, the smell of oranges and chamomile. I asked the ladies praying over me if they were wearing oranges and chamomile, none were. I grinned because I knew it was the Lord, my God, gifting me with His presence!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
August 21, 2010... really?
I mean, really? I've realized quite recently that I stopped posting in May. I have so much of a huge gap to fill here, I have to, have to do this!
Sitting at work right now, [clearly not working, but hey I'm off the clock!] listening to Etta James sing "If I Had You". I am struck by the realization that all love songs could really be turned to reflect one's overwhelming feelings of love for our Savior and Lord. Sounds super corny, but seriously? It's SO true.
Some time ago, I removed my "Grace" ring from my wedding finger. It was an intentional move on my part, the thought that first impressions would indicate that I was married, and thus perhaps one who was interested, wouldn't ask. God has brought so much up to the forefront of my heart these past few months, and honestly I've never felt so much peace in my entire life. Then other people show up from my past and I am truly rocked by past behaviors, past lifestyles and interests, and suddenly I'm in the midst of a huge angsty-fit and feeling distracted constantly by what surrounds me. Talk about chaos. I missed my calm! My peace!! Where did it go!?!?! Wracked by my confusion and doubt... not sure what was going on, why I was feeling such things, given my incredible peace of before.
But last night, wham. He brought everything to a head and asked point blank: "Fleshly union, marriage? Or Me?" and... "How much do you trust Me? Really?"
So. Long story short, the Grace ring is back on my ring finger. If God brings someone into my life, he will ask further. It's that simple. And guess what?
PEACE IS BACK.
Sitting at work right now, [clearly not working, but hey I'm off the clock!] listening to Etta James sing "If I Had You". I am struck by the realization that all love songs could really be turned to reflect one's overwhelming feelings of love for our Savior and Lord. Sounds super corny, but seriously? It's SO true.
Some time ago, I removed my "Grace" ring from my wedding finger. It was an intentional move on my part, the thought that first impressions would indicate that I was married, and thus perhaps one who was interested, wouldn't ask. God has brought so much up to the forefront of my heart these past few months, and honestly I've never felt so much peace in my entire life. Then other people show up from my past and I am truly rocked by past behaviors, past lifestyles and interests, and suddenly I'm in the midst of a huge angsty-fit and feeling distracted constantly by what surrounds me. Talk about chaos. I missed my calm! My peace!! Where did it go!?!?! Wracked by my confusion and doubt... not sure what was going on, why I was feeling such things, given my incredible peace of before.
But last night, wham. He brought everything to a head and asked point blank: "Fleshly union, marriage? Or Me?" and... "How much do you trust Me? Really?"
So. Long story short, the Grace ring is back on my ring finger. If God brings someone into my life, he will ask further. It's that simple. And guess what?
PEACE IS BACK.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Filling Our Needs: Ephesians 3:14-19
Identifying our shortcomings should help to clarify our needs. We need resources, inner strength, love, direction, and power. And we don’t just need these things once, we need them to be replenished constantly because it seems that we keep running out.
The apostle Paul prayed, “From his [God’s] glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you . . . experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. . . . Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit” (Ephesians 3:16-19; 5:17-18).
The words made complete and filled in these passages mean “to fill up completely” or “to make full.” The verb tense used indicates that this is an ongoing process—we are to be made complete and filled up continually. True recovery only comes as we find a way to fill up the needs in our lives. Wherever we are short, God has the resources, love, direction, strength, and power to meet our needs. We can invite the Holy Spirit to fill us up every day.
God’s love reaches into every corner of our experience.
NewLife Ministries
The apostle Paul prayed, “From his [God’s] glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you . . . experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. . . . Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit” (Ephesians 3:16-19; 5:17-18).
The words made complete and filled in these passages mean “to fill up completely” or “to make full.” The verb tense used indicates that this is an ongoing process—we are to be made complete and filled up continually. True recovery only comes as we find a way to fill up the needs in our lives. Wherever we are short, God has the resources, love, direction, strength, and power to meet our needs. We can invite the Holy Spirit to fill us up every day.
God’s love reaches into every corner of our experience.
NewLife Ministries
Monday, May 17, 2010
John 2 - Three Things
What is God like?
God himself is present in all things. He takes an interest in the predicament of the poor (they ran out of wine). He works miracles with water, the very element of life. He not only changes water into wine, but He changes it into the very BEST wine, the choicest of vintages.
He also demands respect for His house, and will physically drive out and reprimand those who take His house for granted.
He refuses to perform on command, given by unbelievers, but rather still offers promises that He fulfills in the fullness of time.
He does not need a man's testimony or confession because he already knows a man, inside and out.
What needs to change in me to be more like Him?
Sometimes I have a really hard time realizing or at least, making it part of my every day living reality that He really is present in all things, every little thing. I have no trouble realizing that He is present in the big things, for some reason that's not an issue for me. I feel that it's probably the same for a lot of people, too. But for me, I really have issues with living with the daily awareness that He is literally IN all things, present, always.....
What will I do for Him today?
Today I will be more aware of His presence in all of the little things.....
God himself is present in all things. He takes an interest in the predicament of the poor (they ran out of wine). He works miracles with water, the very element of life. He not only changes water into wine, but He changes it into the very BEST wine, the choicest of vintages.
He also demands respect for His house, and will physically drive out and reprimand those who take His house for granted.
He refuses to perform on command, given by unbelievers, but rather still offers promises that He fulfills in the fullness of time.
He does not need a man's testimony or confession because he already knows a man, inside and out.
What needs to change in me to be more like Him?
Sometimes I have a really hard time realizing or at least, making it part of my every day living reality that He really is present in all things, every little thing. I have no trouble realizing that He is present in the big things, for some reason that's not an issue for me. I feel that it's probably the same for a lot of people, too. But for me, I really have issues with living with the daily awareness that He is literally IN all things, present, always.....
What will I do for Him today?
Today I will be more aware of His presence in all of the little things.....
John 1 - Three Things
What is God like?
God IS everything, IN everything, always there. God is LIFE. God is LIGHT. God is the giver of a second childhood that blesses and uplifts, that does not condemn. God is full of grace and truth, the truth that shines deep within and illuminates from the inside out. God is glorious. God gives one blessing after another, we cannot begin to count them all. God is manifest in our lives, God has taken away the sin of the world, God made Himself the sacrificial Lamb in order to take away that sin. God calls out those who He wants a personal relationship with, persistent. God renames us in His glory and discernment. God sees us, even when we do not see Him.
What needs to change in me to be more like Him?
Sometimes I am condemning of myself, and that translates into having a condemning heart towards others, even if I don't say it, it comes across in my spiritual flavor. I can accept that God does not condemn me, which increases my acceptance of myself, and automatically allows for acceptance of others.
What will I do for Him today?
Today I will focus on being a reflection of His light. Today, I will close my eyes and embrace the image of His illumination shining out of every pore. Today, I will accept myself, and in turn embrace acceptance towards others.
God IS everything, IN everything, always there. God is LIFE. God is LIGHT. God is the giver of a second childhood that blesses and uplifts, that does not condemn. God is full of grace and truth, the truth that shines deep within and illuminates from the inside out. God is glorious. God gives one blessing after another, we cannot begin to count them all. God is manifest in our lives, God has taken away the sin of the world, God made Himself the sacrificial Lamb in order to take away that sin. God calls out those who He wants a personal relationship with, persistent. God renames us in His glory and discernment. God sees us, even when we do not see Him.
What needs to change in me to be more like Him?
Sometimes I am condemning of myself, and that translates into having a condemning heart towards others, even if I don't say it, it comes across in my spiritual flavor. I can accept that God does not condemn me, which increases my acceptance of myself, and automatically allows for acceptance of others.
What will I do for Him today?
Today I will focus on being a reflection of His light. Today, I will close my eyes and embrace the image of His illumination shining out of every pore. Today, I will accept myself, and in turn embrace acceptance towards others.
Ephesians, Three Things
There are three chapters that I have done so far in Ephesians. I share this specific book every Friday with a friend in North Carolina; we each do the reading/questions on our own, then we read each other's posts and comment. It's fantastic because what comes up is almost always something different for each of us, and yet when we read the other, so many more dots are connected for us. It just feels as if God is SO moving us, asking us to contemplate things of His nature, and bringing it back to SPECIFICS. It's fine and dandy to talk in lofty terms, but the real trick is bringing it to the specifics.... that, I feel, is where real change begins to happen!!!
_________________
EPHESIANS 1
What is God like?
He blesses us
He chose us before the beginning of time
He predestined us to adoption as sons and daughters of Christ
He forgives us
He has grace towards us
He has a purpose for us
He has sealed us to Him for all eternity
He gives us wisdom in Him and knowledge in Him
He gives us hope
What needs to change in me to be more like Him?
I am not always a believer in God's grace towards me; I do not always believe that God has a purpose for me.
I need to believe in God's grace towards me. In believing more fully in God's grace towards me, I feel that I will be better able to have grace towards others. I can be very judgmental when I think someone could be doing something more efficiently, or if my way works really well for me, but I don't extend them the courtesy of letting them do it their own way. My way is the best way. Ha, right! My life shows EXACTLY how well my way works!!!!!
I need to believe that God has a purpose for me. I always thought my 'purpose' was to be a helper's mate to my husband. I always believed that I would be like a lioness, doing the dirty work and the rearing of children, all that stuff, if only I had a male to come around and help out when things got REALLY tough and I couldnt' do it all by myself [being faced down by a pack of starving hyenas, for example].... Kinda silly I know, but I've ALWAYS prided myself on my work ethic and my sense of 'can do!' and I've always felt that I was meant to be a workhorse for my husband because dammit, I'm capable and what man WOULDN'T want a wife who was as capable as I am!? Guh. Talk about OVERFUNCTIONING. I need to turn MY WILL over to God, to realize that HIS PURPOSE doesn't necessarily mean it's the same thing as MY purpose. God knows what He has in store for me, I need to stop planning and overfunctioning, and DROP THE BALL so that God can PICK IT UP.
What will I do today for Him?
Today I will stay in the Word! Today I will practice believing in God's grace towards me. Today, I will practice believing in God's purpose and will in my life. That means, letting go of planning. Open handed through each day! Not white-knuckling through the day!
_______
EPHESIANS 2
What is God like?
He makes us alive like we never were before.
He is rich in mercy.
He loves us as no one on this planet can possibly love us, truly 100% unconditionally.
He shows us his grace through his loving-kindness towards us, in his sacrifice.
He gifts us with these things, not because we are worthy or deserve them, but because He loves us that much, that He would give us His all.
He is peace.
He has broken down walls that keep us separate.
He has built us a home where we are always welcome.
He has built a home inside us, too, so that we are inhabited by His spirit.
What needs to change in me to be more like Him?
I am not nearly as merciful as I could be. Tonight on my way home from hanging out with BS crew I started rehashing conversations in my head--conversations that were completely fictional, conversations btwn my ex and myself, where I confronted him with his insanity and his clear illogic, his clear narcissism. I am not feeling merciful. I am feeling wrathful and full of judgment and holier than thou-ness.
I could honestly try to love MYSELF unconditionally. I usually tried to love everyone else but me unconditionally, but it never worked out right because I honestly was operating with a hidden agenda, one I was not even aware of. This agenda comes from not loving MYSELF unconditionally, of not accepting nor simply loving, who I am, where I am, AS I AM.
I will continue to tear down the walls that separate me from Him Most High.
What will I do today for Him?
Today, I will not stand in His way, in loving me, in accepting me, in giving me the gifts which He so much wants to give me. Today, I will accept in grace.
__________
EPHESIANS 3
What is God like?
He gives grace, as a gift.
He has revealed the mystery of the Son through His Spirit.
He shares the promise of Christ with us.
He works within us, using His holy power.
He created all things on heaven and on earth.
God is wisdom.
He is our Lord; through faith in Him He allows us to approach with confidence and true freedom.
He gives us confidence and freedom.
He strengthens our inner being, our soul, with His power, with the Holy Spirit.
He inhabits our hearts.
He has sown us as seeds with ultimate love, showering us with His love and blessing.
He fills us to the brim, full to bursting, with all that is Him Most High.
He can do everything and anything, far more than we can ever imagine or want.
He works His power within us.
What can I change to be more like Him?
Submit more fully to the Father's wisdom.
Walk with ever-increasing strength full of the knowledge of His love, and His blessing.
Be more willing to talk about my faith with others, regardless of their walks of life, or the constraint of situations .
What will I do for Him today?
Today I will praise Him for having the patience to wait for me!
Today I will praise Him for having the utmost love for me!
Today I will pray to Him, giving Him those three things that have been weighing on my heart the past few days.
Today, I will talk to someone about His remarkable presence and love, through which He rescued a scared young woman and gave incredible freedom and ever-gaining confidence!
_________________
EPHESIANS 1
What is God like?
He blesses us
He chose us before the beginning of time
He predestined us to adoption as sons and daughters of Christ
He forgives us
He has grace towards us
He has a purpose for us
He has sealed us to Him for all eternity
He gives us wisdom in Him and knowledge in Him
He gives us hope
What needs to change in me to be more like Him?
I am not always a believer in God's grace towards me; I do not always believe that God has a purpose for me.
I need to believe in God's grace towards me. In believing more fully in God's grace towards me, I feel that I will be better able to have grace towards others. I can be very judgmental when I think someone could be doing something more efficiently, or if my way works really well for me, but I don't extend them the courtesy of letting them do it their own way. My way is the best way. Ha, right! My life shows EXACTLY how well my way works!!!!!
I need to believe that God has a purpose for me. I always thought my 'purpose' was to be a helper's mate to my husband. I always believed that I would be like a lioness, doing the dirty work and the rearing of children, all that stuff, if only I had a male to come around and help out when things got REALLY tough and I couldnt' do it all by myself [being faced down by a pack of starving hyenas, for example].... Kinda silly I know, but I've ALWAYS prided myself on my work ethic and my sense of 'can do!' and I've always felt that I was meant to be a workhorse for my husband because dammit, I'm capable and what man WOULDN'T want a wife who was as capable as I am!? Guh. Talk about OVERFUNCTIONING. I need to turn MY WILL over to God, to realize that HIS PURPOSE doesn't necessarily mean it's the same thing as MY purpose. God knows what He has in store for me, I need to stop planning and overfunctioning, and DROP THE BALL so that God can PICK IT UP.
What will I do today for Him?
Today I will stay in the Word! Today I will practice believing in God's grace towards me. Today, I will practice believing in God's purpose and will in my life. That means, letting go of planning. Open handed through each day! Not white-knuckling through the day!
_______
EPHESIANS 2
What is God like?
He makes us alive like we never were before.
He is rich in mercy.
He loves us as no one on this planet can possibly love us, truly 100% unconditionally.
He shows us his grace through his loving-kindness towards us, in his sacrifice.
He gifts us with these things, not because we are worthy or deserve them, but because He loves us that much, that He would give us His all.
He is peace.
He has broken down walls that keep us separate.
He has built us a home where we are always welcome.
He has built a home inside us, too, so that we are inhabited by His spirit.
What needs to change in me to be more like Him?
I am not nearly as merciful as I could be. Tonight on my way home from hanging out with BS crew I started rehashing conversations in my head--conversations that were completely fictional, conversations btwn my ex and myself, where I confronted him with his insanity and his clear illogic, his clear narcissism. I am not feeling merciful. I am feeling wrathful and full of judgment and holier than thou-ness.
I could honestly try to love MYSELF unconditionally. I usually tried to love everyone else but me unconditionally, but it never worked out right because I honestly was operating with a hidden agenda, one I was not even aware of. This agenda comes from not loving MYSELF unconditionally, of not accepting nor simply loving, who I am, where I am, AS I AM.
I will continue to tear down the walls that separate me from Him Most High.
What will I do today for Him?
Today, I will not stand in His way, in loving me, in accepting me, in giving me the gifts which He so much wants to give me. Today, I will accept in grace.
__________
EPHESIANS 3
What is God like?
He gives grace, as a gift.
He has revealed the mystery of the Son through His Spirit.
He shares the promise of Christ with us.
He works within us, using His holy power.
He created all things on heaven and on earth.
God is wisdom.
He is our Lord; through faith in Him He allows us to approach with confidence and true freedom.
He gives us confidence and freedom.
He strengthens our inner being, our soul, with His power, with the Holy Spirit.
He inhabits our hearts.
He has sown us as seeds with ultimate love, showering us with His love and blessing.
He fills us to the brim, full to bursting, with all that is Him Most High.
He can do everything and anything, far more than we can ever imagine or want.
He works His power within us.
What can I change to be more like Him?
Submit more fully to the Father's wisdom.
Walk with ever-increasing strength full of the knowledge of His love, and His blessing.
Be more willing to talk about my faith with others, regardless of their walks of life, or the constraint of situations .
What will I do for Him today?
Today I will praise Him for having the patience to wait for me!
Today I will praise Him for having the utmost love for me!
Today I will pray to Him, giving Him those three things that have been weighing on my heart the past few days.
Today, I will talk to someone about His remarkable presence and love, through which He rescued a scared young woman and gave incredible freedom and ever-gaining confidence!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Twenty Ten?
I have so many thoughts, words, revelations scattered all over the web and on paper here with me. I type so much faster than I write that I find it almost tedious to keep written works... well, written. I'd like to put it all down in one place, where I could reference it all at once. Keep it for posterity? That almost sounds egotistical, to me, somehow.
Is it possible to convey just how much I have learned in the past six months? I mean, really really reaaaaaaalllllllyyyyy learned? I'll post more on this later.
Is it possible to convey just how much I have learned in the past six months? I mean, really really reaaaaaaalllllllyyyyy learned? I'll post more on this later.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Who I am in Christ--I believe it, because He says so!
THE WORD OF GOD SAYS:
I AM:
God's child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God which liveth and abideth forever (1 Peter 1:23)
Forgiven of all my sins and washed in the blood (Ephesians 1:7; Hebres 9:14; Col 1:14; 1 John 2:12; 1 John 1:9)
A new creature (2 Cor 5:17)
The temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 6:19)
Delivered from the power of darkness and translated into God's kingdom (Col 1:13)
Redeemed from the curse of the law (1 Pet 1:18, 19; Gal 3:13)
Blessed!!!!! (Deut. 28:1-14; Gal 3:9)
A Saint (Rom 1:7; 1 Cor 1:2; Phil 1:1)
The head and not the tail (Deut 20:13)
Above only and not beneath (Deut. 28:13)
Holy and without blame before Him in Love (1 Pet 1:16; Eph 1:4)
Elect (Col 3:12; Rom 8:33)
Established to the end (1 Cor 1:8)
Made nigh by the blood of Christ (Eph 2:13)
Victorious (Rev 21:7)
Set free!!!!!!!! (John 8:31-33)
Strong in the Lord (Eph 6:10)
Dead to sin (Rom 6:2; 11; 1 Peter 2:24)
More than a conqueror (Rom 8:37)
Joint heir with Christ (Rom 8:17)
Sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise (Eph 1:13)
In Christ by His doing (1 Col 1:30)
Accepted in His beloved (Eph 1:6)
Complete in Him (Col 2:10)
Free from condemnation!!!!!!!!! (Rom 8:1)
The apple of my Father's eye (Deut. 32:10; Psalm 17:8)
Being changed into His image (2 Cor 3:18; Phil 1:6)
Beloved of God!!!! (Col 3:12; Rom 1:7; 1 Thess 1:4)
I HAVE:
The mind of Christ (Phil 2:5; 1 Cor 2:16)
Obtained an inheritance (Eph 1:11)
Overcome the world (1 John 5:4)
Everlasting life and will not be condemned (John 5:24 NIV; John 6:47)
The peace of God which passes ALL understanding (Phil 4:7)
I LIVE:
By and in the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:2)
I WALK:
In Christ Jesus (Col 2:6)
I CAN:
Do all things in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:13)
I SHALL:
Do even greater works than Christ Jesus (John 14:12)
I POSSESS:
The Greater One in me because greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world!!!!!!!! (1 John 4:4)
I PRESS:
Toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God (Phil 3:14)
I:
Always triumph in Christ!!!! (2 Cor 2:14)
MY LIFE:
Shows forth His praise (1 Pet 2:9)
Is hid with Christ in God (Col 3:3)
I AM:
God's child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God which liveth and abideth forever (1 Peter 1:23)
Forgiven of all my sins and washed in the blood (Ephesians 1:7; Hebres 9:14; Col 1:14; 1 John 2:12; 1 John 1:9)
A new creature (2 Cor 5:17)
The temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 6:19)
Delivered from the power of darkness and translated into God's kingdom (Col 1:13)
Redeemed from the curse of the law (1 Pet 1:18, 19; Gal 3:13)
Blessed!!!!! (Deut. 28:1-14; Gal 3:9)
A Saint (Rom 1:7; 1 Cor 1:2; Phil 1:1)
The head and not the tail (Deut 20:13)
Above only and not beneath (Deut. 28:13)
Holy and without blame before Him in Love (1 Pet 1:16; Eph 1:4)
Elect (Col 3:12; Rom 8:33)
Established to the end (1 Cor 1:8)
Made nigh by the blood of Christ (Eph 2:13)
Victorious (Rev 21:7)
Set free!!!!!!!! (John 8:31-33)
Strong in the Lord (Eph 6:10)
Dead to sin (Rom 6:2; 11; 1 Peter 2:24)
More than a conqueror (Rom 8:37)
Joint heir with Christ (Rom 8:17)
Sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise (Eph 1:13)
In Christ by His doing (1 Col 1:30)
Accepted in His beloved (Eph 1:6)
Complete in Him (Col 2:10)
Free from condemnation!!!!!!!!! (Rom 8:1)
The apple of my Father's eye (Deut. 32:10; Psalm 17:8)
Being changed into His image (2 Cor 3:18; Phil 1:6)
Beloved of God!!!! (Col 3:12; Rom 1:7; 1 Thess 1:4)
I HAVE:
The mind of Christ (Phil 2:5; 1 Cor 2:16)
Obtained an inheritance (Eph 1:11)
Overcome the world (1 John 5:4)
Everlasting life and will not be condemned (John 5:24 NIV; John 6:47)
The peace of God which passes ALL understanding (Phil 4:7)
I LIVE:
By and in the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:2)
I WALK:
In Christ Jesus (Col 2:6)
I CAN:
Do all things in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:13)
I SHALL:
Do even greater works than Christ Jesus (John 14:12)
I POSSESS:
The Greater One in me because greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world!!!!!!!! (1 John 4:4)
I PRESS:
Toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God (Phil 3:14)
I:
Always triumph in Christ!!!! (2 Cor 2:14)
MY LIFE:
Shows forth His praise (1 Pet 2:9)
Is hid with Christ in God (Col 3:3)
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