'Let go of perfection in order to get better'...

Quotation from a knitting/spinning blog that I stumbled upon earlier. It just resonates, though.

I know this person, I'll just call her "bird". As in "little bird." Bird always tries to fly, and gets massively disappointed when her wings won't hold her up, when she can't do those amazing barrel rolls she sees all the other cool kids doing in the skies. She ends up hacking away at her sense-of-self because she's not instantly perfect at something she's only attempted a few times, shouting internal recriminations and pithily-devastating refrains. Sound familiar?

The thing is, we are all born with this wondrous quality of having to do something before knowing how to do it well. It's called experiential learning (just in case you were wondering). Now while there are those of us on this planet born with innate grace (I wouldn't know anything about that, trust me) and an immediate sense of how things are done, the vast majority of us still have to learn by doing. And not just doing once. Your brain hasn't had time to dot the i's and cross the t's yet. It takes time for all that neuronal sheathing to connect in new neural pathways, enhancing the chem trails, much like ants leaving scent markers (Hey! This way for food!) for their brethren. Increased repetition equals increased skill, despite how you may abhor how silly you think you look whilst in the process.

Listen, I hate to break it to ya, but you're not perfect and you absolutely weren't born perfect, either. And guess what? You weren't meant to be. The journey is the process, and the process is the journey. We're talking all the time about compassion towards our fellow man, being aware of how we treat others, etc... But what we neglect to mention is how we're treating ourselves, whether we treat our own selves with compassion, or disdain and ill humor. Nine times out of ten, if you run across someone who is negative-nanny to the folks around them, you don't want to hear what they have to say about themselves. We're 100 times deadlier and devastating to ourselves than we are to others, remarkable as that sounds.

So the next time you end up feeling like Bird, upset that you're not doing something perfect the first time around (or the second, or the third, or hell, even the fiftieth) cut yourself some slack. Extend some compassion towards your learning self, and take a deep breath. Let go of your need to be perfection personified, and instead, grant a little mercy.

You just may find that you'll make greater strides.

more days than I can possibly count....

Losing one's way doesn't always happen physically. It can happen mentally, emotionally. Sometimes, it takes a serious re-walking of the past in order for one to begin stepping forward into the future. Some things have to be re-lived in order to be put aside. The past eight months have certainly been that, in a lot of ways. Everything culminating to a single point in time, a specific experience that somehow sets you free, cuts the strings entirely.

I have not touched the Bible in probably six months out of the last eight. It's sitting right by me, don't get me wrong. I know it's there. I see it every single day, even the days when I most want to ignore it. I have not opened it. I've thought about it increasingly the past week. No, it has nothing to do with the "season", trust me. I could go on and on regarding this holiday season, this "holy season" but I won't. Suffice it to say that I don't hold with it having anything to do with Christian beliefs at all. People can adopt and change anything they want to reflect their version of truth, we all do it. For me, Christmas has nothing to do with Christ, or his message. No, for me, this re-opening of the pages has more to do with the turning of the year.

A few days ago was the solstice, the official turning of the year. It's as if the world held it's breath, waiting for that one specific moment, and then with the exhale we began to spring anew. Sounds incredibly pagan, doesn't it? There are certain elemental truths that we cannot escape, no matter what pretty trappings we try to throw over it to cover and hide the underlying issues or matters. The fact of the matter is that for me, I find God most relevant when I see Him in the trees surrounding me, in feeling the snow falling down onto my upturned face, in hearing His voice in the sounds of the ravens. Does that make me pagan? I don't think so. It certainly doesn't make me the standard Christian fare, however, and I understand and accept that distinction. I truly do. Do I still believe that He is working in my life? Absolutely. It's undeniable. Do I still believe that His Word can be found in the trapping of humanity. Yep, I sure do. I'm just not willing to put God in a box. He She It Whatever.... doesn't matter the label you put on God, and it doesn't matter how you decide to worship, follow, believe.

What really matters most of all is what you Hear, what you Do, what you See.

And that being said..... it's time to crack that binding again and see what He has to say to me today.

Excerpt from Renee Swope's book "7 Day Doubt Diet"

So powerful. God has been reaching out to me, addressing these issues for the past two weeks straight. It's hard to accept sometimes how much He truly cares, how much He loves each and every one of us, how much He wants to see change in ME. It's uncomfortable being under that much scrutiny, incredibly uncomfortable. It's far easier hiding..... However, by hiding our darkest selves, we also allow it to foment, and do nothing more than give the devil more than his due. After all, everything the devil does, he does with God's permission. Think about that. It all comes down to free will....and believing that we are worth it. Ultimately worth it.

Satan wants us to focus on our flaws and feelings of inadequacy, then exhaust our energy figuring out how to hide them. But we don’t have to go along with his schemes. Instead we can recognize his lies, refute his temptations with truth, and focus on God’s acceptance, security, and significance. Then we can thank God for His provision and His promises that remind us of who we are in Him.

I am accepted . . .
Ephesians 1:3–8 I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
Colossians 1:13–14 I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
Colossians 2:9–10 I am complete in Christ.

I am secure . . .
Romans 8:28 I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
Romans 8:31–39 I am free from condemnation. I cannot be separated from God’s love.
Philippians 1:6 I am confident God will complete the good work He started in me.

I am significant . . .
Ephesians 2:10 I am God’s workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Lord, thank You that I’m chosen, holy, and dearly loved. When I’m tempted to find my significance and security apart from Your provision and promises, help me recognize Satan’s lies, refuse his temptations and stand firm in my faith. Remind me that such confidence as this is mine through Christ—not that I am competent in myself to claim anything for myself, but competence comes from Him. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen. (See Colossians 3:12; 1 Peter 5:9; 2 Corinthians 3:4–5)

Doubt Diet Tip: When you’re tempted to use the measuring stick of comparison—be sure to measure UP by focusing upward on Christ, remembering who you are in HIM! “The more you reaffirm who you are in Christ, the more your behavior (and beliefs) will begin to reflect your true identity!”

© 2011 by Renee Swope with Revell Publishing. All rights reserved.

God, and Alaska.... some thoughts.

“For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother's womb. I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well.” (Psalm 139:13-14)

So I was doing some poking around online, and came across one of my friend Michelle's posts. I was thrilled to read it. THRILLED. And I realized that I haven't posted anything here since I left the lower 48.

I've been in this weird up/down state since the plane touched the tarmac. First thing, I got lost in the airport. Really. I did. Everything looked the same, sort of. But then when I got down to where I just knew the baggage claim was.... well, it wasn't there. They'd changed it. Have you ever gone through an environment where you just KNOW where everything is supposed to be, because you've gone there so many times, but then this last time, it all looked the same, yet it didn't? I've lost my way, a bit.

I knew going into this that it would not be easy. That was the point of going this way. I knew that if I'd stayed where I was comfortable, I would not have grown. I would have stagnated. So I followed His leading, and here I am. UNCOMFORTABLE. God and I have the most amazing relationship, we honestly do. We argue all the time. Rather, I argue, He smiles at me in tender loving, and then I do my own thing, convinced that I am right..... and eventually I submit to Him. Yes, Father, you were right. (Of Course.)

The thing is, I know that He's been with me this entire time. I know this. I have a peace about being here, even though it's so uncomfortable for me. Ravens have been talking to me. Non-stop. I hear them every morning and they are having such great conversations. It's one of the things that I have missed most about Home. It's hard to explain how the soil of a place gets beneath your skin so much that you don't realize that it's there until you're not there. Alaska is, and always will be, HOME.

It's interesting to me, being here again. Everything is different, yet it's the same. It's as I said earlier: you know where things are, yet.... you don't, quite. It's disorienting to say the least. My first full day back, we did some "sight-seeing", basically just driving around town to look around and show me what had changed. Oh my goodness, SO MUCH HAS CHANGED!!! Most of the buildings that I knew before are still here, but now streets are wider, things look just slightly off, and of course there are more buildings, newer buildings. I was in complete shock. I think the shock is beginning to wear off.... sort of. This feeling of disorientation is like nothing I've ever felt before. I feel like it is beginning to wear off, though, finally. I've been sort of holed up, trying to find my sea legs/land legs again. I feel like it's time to venture forth, however. I FEEL Him present, gently pushing me out, watching my legs wobble a bit, His hand right behind me, ready to scoop me up should I stumble.

Today, I am headed out to the Loussac, one of the libraries here in town. I remember this library so much from my youth. I'm EXCITED to go there again. It feels like FOREVER.

Come Fly With Me, Let's Fly, Let's Fly Away....

This time, three days from now I will be on a plane. It's strange realizing that I am leaving Bellingham after such a long sojourn here. Honestly, though, I am more excited than sad to be kicking off the dirt from my heels and flying, flying away. It's been more years than I care to remember away from home, but God is indeed calling me home. It would be far more comfortable for me to stay in quiet little Bellingham. Here, I know the rules, I know the people, the spots. Returning, returning is about re-learning, and re-discovering what I left. I know that it will not be the same as what I left previously, and that is an exciting thing, in and of itself. When I went home in 2004, I was in so much pain I could barely see the world around me. Everything was red and bright and too much. After two months, I ran away, back where it was most comfortable. In 2007, when I last visited, things had begun to feel different. And now, 2011. I am actually returning. Permanently. I doubt that I will return to little quiet Bellingham for much other than a visit. But Alaska, Alaska is singing to me, and I hear her, loud and clear. More, though, I hear God, clearing the way for me to return. That is most precious of all.

The Jezebel Spirit--some thoughts

The past few months have been interesting. I can feel a constant push/pull tug of war going on and it's exciting to be able to feel such things within me, as well as to see how it interacts with the world around me. One interesting change I've noted: "stories" in the Old Testament & New Testament aren't just "stories" anymore. They've become real on a more personal level, so much so that I've begun to see that the influences of the deep past are still prevalent today. They are still knocking around, still gaining a hold and threatening to tear those who love God most into itty-bitty shreds, a millimeter at a time. Doesn't seem like it's much at first, a millimeter. But it's rather like a jar of pennies. At first the little bits of copper don't seem like much, til the glass bouy you have them in shatters under the weight of all that copper.

I've been reading up on Jezebel. I think most people immediately associate the word Jezebel with promiscuity, lasciviousness, wantonness, sexual immorality, etc... But what I don't think a lot of people see is the underside of the Jezebel spirit: the manipulation, the control, the power-seeking hunger, the overreaching sense of SELF involved.They also don't see the counterpart to Jezebel: her husband Ahab, who to all intents and purposes was emasculated by his wife, thoroughly controlled, who basically abdicated his throne in favor of her rule (all behind the scenes of course). Here's the best part: Jezebel was a VERY devout woman. VERY DEVOUT. However, she violated the cardinal rule: Thou shalt have no other gods before Me (including the god of SELF, Baal, and Ashteroth).

Being fully submitted to God is hard work. Admitting that I am very good friends with the Spirit of Jezebel is humbling, and humiliating. Recognizing that I have walked in these shoes for 17 years, never realizing what I was doing to my partners, nor myself, is a test of self-awareness and openness to God's hand as nothing ever before. I still struggle, desperately at times, against my desire for a husband, a mate. And while I desire it, I still fear it, fear what I may turn into, as a wife. Do I lose respect for my husband? What if I make a mistake? What if what if what if....

It all goes back to being submitted to God. And it IS hard work, the hardest work I've ever undertaken in my entire life. However, if I'd wanted the easy life, I would have been married five times over by this point in time.

Long story short: daily awareness of submission is important, vastly far more important than whether or not a client has called in, returned paperwork, a coworker drives you nuts, someone from your small group who doesn't respect you, the fact that you're unhappy in your marriage, you feel desperately alone, your kids are heathen monsters, or the fact that the earth is currently going to hell in a handbasket and our nation is driving. Trusting in God, being SUBMITTED TO GOD, means trusting Him with the small stuff. Really. After all, He takes care of you, doesn't He? :P

New Ties, Breaking Ties, Nuances of Life...

It's interesting to me, how life seems to fly by at the blink of an eye. The Lord has me in Ezekiel, and Habakkuk, and Malachi. I left my Thursday evening Bible Study group. Just felt so led to go deeper with God, and felt that He was asking me to nest with Him, silent, in the stillness. It's hard to explain. I'm actually not as lonely as I was afraid I would be. I enjoy living alone, I have discovered. I love the fact that it is quiet, and peaceful, and still when I need it to be. After the past two weeks of falling asleep by 8:30pm, last night I was awake until 10 or 11pm. Then I woke up at 2:30am. How strange. I was definitely awake for a reason, and for some reason kept having thoughts of all the HUGE mistakes I've made in my life thus far. It was interesting, to say the least. After an hour of tossing and turning, struggling to fall back asleep, I rolled over onto my back, lay there, shut my eyes, and begged God to please take this from me so that I could sleep. Probably the first time I have ever actually done something like that, asking for a simple ease of my thoughts. I actually found that it worked. I was asleep within moments.

I love how He shows me, constantly, how nothing is too big, nor too small, for my Lord. I love how He shows me, in so many ways, that He loves me and cares for me, even down to the tiniest, smallest, most seemingly insignificant detail.

THAT is what faith is all about.

I'm learning. Slowly at times, yet still.... I am learning.

The beauty of being broken is that the repair job is amazing.

By far my biggest challenge in my amazing walk with Christ has been my habit of picking men who ignore me in one way or another [daddy issues, yes I know... I'm a work in progress]. Having a presence in my life that goes out of their way to make themselves known to me, who actively pursues me, who absolutely NEVER ignores me and makes sure that I realize they are there.... well it's freaky. And sometimes it makes me want to come out of my skin because it is so unknown, so uncomfortable.

No human can fulfill this desire, this desire for completeness, this desire for the trampoline for my falls. I feel so overwhelmed by emotion when I think about the faithfulness of God. I started a Book of Miracles, on the suggestion of a friend, because there are so many clear concrete examples in my life that I hope to never ever forget them.

Perhaps what stuns me the most is the clear communication I get from Him on High. There's really no ambiguity. It's very black and white, with no real wiggle room. I honestly believe it's because I'm so frickin' stubborn that I don't listen until it IS absolutely black and white, no wiggle room. I realize every single time when I'm smacked upside the head who is doing this, where this comes from, why this is happening. I remember when Parke left over a year ago, and the wedding bells crashed, who was doing this. I didn't like the feeling, but I still knew that this was supposed to happen. I fought it, for five months..... but I still knew, deep down, that we weren't supposed to get married, I just couldn't admit it because my ego was too wrapped up in this "perfect" guy and his perfect family. I have come to the realization that the love I felt from his family kept me going far longer than our relationship actually did. Again, still seeking to fill that huge void, that black hole in my soul. Freedom is painful as hell.... I won't lie. The process of rending is like having your soul ripped out through your bellybutton. Sometimes you hurt so bad, all you can do is run away from polite civilization, up into the mtns and the trees, and pound and scream your fury and your hurt broken heart out into a tree.... something that won't break from your rage, your fury. Last year I did that more times than I can recount, in the midst of running back into his arms. [I did mention that I am stubborn...] Finally I couldn't stand the running. I gave in. I surrendered. On my knees, broken, sundered.

The beauty of being broken is that the repair job is amazing. The cracks still exist, that's called learning experiences. Much like my tattoos... all incredibly hard lessons to have learned, but beyond valuable to my growth and the state of my being, my soul. Much like my absolute adoration of crows feet, and scars on people. They tell a story, much like music does. I adore my scars and my silvers and my crows feet.... they say that a person has lived. The LIVING IS WHAT MATTERS. Obey without freaking question, and you are amply rewarded, rewarded beyond measure. I cannot explain this enough, with clarity for those with ears to hear. I heard it repeatedly before I finally got it. But.... I got it.

Just Breathe..... and let go. Fly.

Thursday, September 9, 2010 - Remembering May...

I wanted to write about this, because I have come to the realization in the last six months that He truly IS present in ALL the little things. I am CONSTANTLY surrounded by the Lord. So many people scoff and roll their eyes, preferring to believe that God is in this safe box on high, unattainable, too holy by far to bother with us and our trivialities of existence. I finally realized the reason for this... pure unadulterated FEAR. God is OVER-FREAKING-WHELMING to me. Tears fall freely, and it's not driven by sadness by any means, but rather because I am PHYSICALLY OVERWHELMED by what He does to me, how He has worked in my life, how He continues to care for me, day in, day out. He truly IS the trampoline for my falls. Every day I feel like He peels off another layer of my old self, every day a new pair of budding wings are revealed, every day I am that much more free. I got out of the shower this last weekend at the beach, noticed myself in the mirror, and was genuinely happy and accepting of what I saw, naked. I. Am. BEAUTIFUL. I adore my body, and yes, some parts could be tighter, toner, firmer. But honestly? I'm built the way I am and I enjoy it, and I approve of me. I APPROVE OF ME. Do you have ANY freaking idea how AWESOME that is???????????????

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Monday, May 17, 2010
John 2 - Three Things
What is God like?

God himself is present in all things. He takes an interest in the predicament of the poor (they ran out of wine). He works miracles with water, the very element of life. He not only changes water into wine, but He changes it into the very BEST wine, the choicest of vintages.

He also demands respect for His house, and will physically drive out and reprimand those who take His house for granted.

He refuses to perform on command, given by unbelievers, but rather still offers promises that He fulfills in the fullness of time.

He does not need a man's testimony or confession because he already knows a man, inside and out.

What needs to change in me to be more like Him?

Sometimes I have a really hard time realizing or at least, making it part of my every day living reality that He really is present in all things, every little thing. I have no trouble realizing that He is present in the big things, for some reason that's not an issue for me. I feel that it's probably the same for a lot of people, too. But for me, I really have issues with living with the daily awareness that He is literally IN all things, present, always.....

What will I do for Him today?

Today I will be more aware of His presence in all of the little things.....

The Lord Smells Like Sweet Oranges and Chamomile....

I wanted to share something... Sunday during prayer, I smelled the most amazing smell, sweet yet not cloying, not overbearing. One of my favorite scents, the smell of oranges and chamomile. I asked the ladies praying over me if they were wearing oranges and chamomile, none were. I grinned because I knew it was the Lord, my God, gifting me with His presence!

August 21, 2010... really?

I mean, really? I've realized quite recently that I stopped posting in May. I have so much of a huge gap to fill here, I have to, have to do this!

Sitting at work right now, [clearly not working, but hey I'm off the clock!] listening to Etta James sing "If I Had You". I am struck by the realization that all love songs could really be turned to reflect one's overwhelming feelings of love for our Savior and Lord. Sounds super corny, but seriously? It's SO true.

Some time ago, I removed my "Grace" ring from my wedding finger. It was an intentional move on my part, the thought that first impressions would indicate that I was married, and thus perhaps one who was interested, wouldn't ask. God has brought so much up to the forefront of my heart these past few months, and honestly I've never felt so much peace in my entire life. Then other people show up from my past and I am truly rocked by past behaviors, past lifestyles and interests, and suddenly I'm in the midst of a huge angsty-fit and feeling distracted constantly by what surrounds me. Talk about chaos. I missed my calm! My peace!! Where did it go!?!?! Wracked by my confusion and doubt... not sure what was going on, why I was feeling such things, given my incredible peace of before.

But last night, wham. He brought everything to a head and asked point blank: "Fleshly union, marriage? Or Me?" and... "How much do you trust Me? Really?"

So. Long story short, the Grace ring is back on my ring finger. If God brings someone into my life, he will ask further. It's that simple. And guess what?

PEACE IS BACK.

Filling Our Needs: Ephesians 3:14-19

Identifying our shortcomings should help to clarify our needs. We need resources, inner strength, love, direction, and power. And we don’t just need these things once, we need them to be replenished constantly because it seems that we keep running out.

The apostle Paul prayed, “From his [God’s] glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you . . . experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. . . . Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit” (Ephesians 3:16-19; 5:17-18).

The words made complete and filled in these passages mean “to fill up completely” or “to make full.” The verb tense used indicates that this is an ongoing process—we are to be made complete and filled up continually. True recovery only comes as we find a way to fill up the needs in our lives. Wherever we are short, God has the resources, love, direction, strength, and power to meet our needs. We can invite the Holy Spirit to fill us up every day.

God’s love reaches into every corner of our experience.

NewLife Ministries

John 2 - Three Things

What is God like?

God himself is present in all things. He takes an interest in the predicament of the poor (they ran out of wine). He works miracles with water, the very element of life. He not only changes water into wine, but He changes it into the very BEST wine, the choicest of vintages.

He also demands respect for His house, and will physically drive out and reprimand those who take His house for granted.

He refuses to perform on command, given by unbelievers, but rather still offers promises that He fulfills in the fullness of time.

He does not need a man's testimony or confession because he already knows a man, inside and out.

What needs to change in me to be more like Him?

Sometimes I have a really hard time realizing or at least, making it part of my every day living reality that He really is present in all things, every little thing. I have no trouble realizing that He is present in the big things, for some reason that's not an issue for me. I feel that it's probably the same for a lot of people, too. But for me, I really have issues with living with the daily awareness that He is literally IN all things, present, always.....

What will I do for Him today?

Today I will be more aware of His presence in all of the little things.....

John 1 - Three Things

What is God like?

God IS everything, IN everything, always there. God is LIFE. God is LIGHT. God is the giver of a second childhood that blesses and uplifts, that does not condemn. God is full of grace and truth, the truth that shines deep within and illuminates from the inside out. God is glorious. God gives one blessing after another, we cannot begin to count them all. God is manifest in our lives, God has taken away the sin of the world, God made Himself the sacrificial Lamb in order to take away that sin. God calls out those who He wants a personal relationship with, persistent. God renames us in His glory and discernment. God sees us, even when we do not see Him.

What needs to change in me to be more like Him?

Sometimes I am condemning of myself, and that translates into having a condemning heart towards others, even if I don't say it, it comes across in my spiritual flavor. I can accept that God does not condemn me, which increases my acceptance of myself, and automatically allows for acceptance of others.

What will I do for Him today?

Today I will focus on being a reflection of His light. Today, I will close my eyes and embrace the image of His illumination shining out of every pore. Today, I will accept myself, and in turn embrace acceptance towards others.

Ephesians, Three Things

There are three chapters that I have done so far in Ephesians. I share this specific book every Friday with a friend in North Carolina; we each do the reading/questions on our own, then we read each other's posts and comment. It's fantastic because what comes up is almost always something different for each of us, and yet when we read the other, so many more dots are connected for us. It just feels as if God is SO moving us, asking us to contemplate things of His nature, and bringing it back to SPECIFICS. It's fine and dandy to talk in lofty terms, but the real trick is bringing it to the specifics.... that, I feel, is where real change begins to happen!!!
_________________
EPHESIANS 1

What is God like?

He blesses us

He chose us before the beginning of time

He predestined us to adoption as sons and daughters of Christ

He forgives us

He has grace towards us

He has a purpose for us

He has sealed us to Him for all eternity

He gives us wisdom in Him and knowledge in Him

He gives us hope

What needs to change in me to be more like Him?

I am not always a believer in God's grace towards me; I do not always believe that God has a purpose for me.

I need to believe in God's grace towards me. In believing more fully in God's grace towards me, I feel that I will be better able to have grace towards others. I can be very judgmental when I think someone could be doing something more efficiently, or if my way works really well for me, but I don't extend them the courtesy of letting them do it their own way. My way is the best way. Ha, right! My life shows EXACTLY how well my way works!!!!!

I need to believe that God has a purpose for me. I always thought my 'purpose' was to be a helper's mate to my husband. I always believed that I would be like a lioness, doing the dirty work and the rearing of children, all that stuff, if only I had a male to come around and help out when things got REALLY tough and I couldnt' do it all by myself [being faced down by a pack of starving hyenas, for example].... Kinda silly I know, but I've ALWAYS prided myself on my work ethic and my sense of 'can do!' and I've always felt that I was meant to be a workhorse for my husband because dammit, I'm capable and what man WOULDN'T want a wife who was as capable as I am!? Guh. Talk about OVERFUNCTIONING. I need to turn MY WILL over to God, to realize that HIS PURPOSE doesn't necessarily mean it's the same thing as MY purpose. God knows what He has in store for me, I need to stop planning and overfunctioning, and DROP THE BALL so that God can PICK IT UP.

What will I do today for Him?

Today I will stay in the Word! Today I will practice believing in God's grace towards me. Today, I will practice believing in God's purpose and will in my life. That means, letting go of planning. Open handed through each day! Not white-knuckling through the day!
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EPHESIANS 2

What is God like?

He makes us alive like we never were before.

He is rich in mercy.

He loves us as no one on this planet can possibly love us, truly 100% unconditionally.

He shows us his grace through his loving-kindness towards us, in his sacrifice.

He gifts us with these things, not because we are worthy or deserve them, but because He loves us that much, that He would give us His all.

He is peace.

He has broken down walls that keep us separate.

He has built us a home where we are always welcome.

He has built a home inside us, too, so that we are inhabited by His spirit.

What needs to change in me to be more like Him?

I am not nearly as merciful as I could be. Tonight on my way home from hanging out with BS crew I started rehashing conversations in my head--conversations that were completely fictional, conversations btwn my ex and myself, where I confronted him with his insanity and his clear illogic, his clear narcissism. I am not feeling merciful. I am feeling wrathful and full of judgment and holier than thou-ness.

I could honestly try to love MYSELF unconditionally. I usually tried to love everyone else but me unconditionally, but it never worked out right because I honestly was operating with a hidden agenda, one I was not even aware of. This agenda comes from not loving MYSELF unconditionally, of not accepting nor simply loving, who I am, where I am, AS I AM.

I will continue to tear down the walls that separate me from Him Most High.

What will I do today for Him?

Today, I will not stand in His way, in loving me, in accepting me, in giving me the gifts which He so much wants to give me. Today, I will accept in grace.
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EPHESIANS 3

What is God like?

He gives grace, as a gift.

He has revealed the mystery of the Son through His Spirit.

He shares the promise of Christ with us.

He works within us, using His holy power.

He created all things on heaven and on earth.

God is wisdom.

He is our Lord; through faith in Him He allows us to approach with confidence and true freedom.

He gives us confidence and freedom.

He strengthens our inner being, our soul, with His power, with the Holy Spirit.

He inhabits our hearts.

He has sown us as seeds with ultimate love, showering us with His love and blessing.

He fills us to the brim, full to bursting, with all that is Him Most High.

He can do everything and anything, far more than we can ever imagine or want.

He works His power within us.

What can I change to be more like Him?

Submit more fully to the Father's wisdom.

Walk with ever-increasing strength full of the knowledge of His love, and His blessing.

Be more willing to talk about my faith with others, regardless of their walks of life, or the constraint of situations .

What will I do for Him today?

Today I will praise Him for having the patience to wait for me!

Today I will praise Him for having the utmost love for me!

Today I will pray to Him, giving Him those three things that have been weighing on my heart the past few days.

Today, I will talk to someone about His remarkable presence and love, through which He rescued a scared young woman and gave incredible freedom and ever-gaining confidence!

No water? No problem for these Jordanian farmers.

No water? No problem for these Jordanian farmers.

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Twenty Ten?

I have so many thoughts, words, revelations scattered all over the web and on paper here with me. I type so much faster than I write that I find it almost tedious to keep written works... well, written. I'd like to put it all down in one place, where I could reference it all at once. Keep it for posterity? That almost sounds egotistical, to me, somehow.
Is it possible to convey just how much I have learned in the past six months? I mean, really really reaaaaaaalllllllyyyyy learned? I'll post more on this later.

Who I am in Christ--I believe it, because He says so!

THE WORD OF GOD SAYS:

I AM:

God's child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God which liveth and abideth forever (1 Peter 1:23)

Forgiven of all my sins and washed in the blood (Ephesians 1:7; Hebres 9:14; Col 1:14; 1 John 2:12; 1 John 1:9)

A new creature (2 Cor 5:17)

The temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 6:19)

Delivered from the power of darkness and translated into God's kingdom (Col 1:13)

Redeemed from the curse of the law (1 Pet 1:18, 19; Gal 3:13)

Blessed!!!!! (Deut. 28:1-14; Gal 3:9)

A Saint (Rom 1:7; 1 Cor 1:2; Phil 1:1)

The head and not the tail (Deut 20:13)

Above only and not beneath (Deut. 28:13)

Holy and without blame before Him in Love (1 Pet 1:16; Eph 1:4)

Elect (Col 3:12; Rom 8:33)

Established to the end (1 Cor 1:8)

Made nigh by the blood of Christ (Eph 2:13)

Victorious (Rev 21:7)

Set free!!!!!!!! (John 8:31-33)

Strong in the Lord (Eph 6:10)

Dead to sin (Rom 6:2; 11; 1 Peter 2:24)

More than a conqueror (Rom 8:37)

Joint heir with Christ (Rom 8:17)

Sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise (Eph 1:13)

In Christ by His doing (1 Col 1:30)

Accepted in His beloved (Eph 1:6)

Complete in Him (Col 2:10)

Free from condemnation!!!!!!!!! (Rom 8:1)

The apple of my Father's eye (Deut. 32:10; Psalm 17:8)

Being changed into His image (2 Cor 3:18; Phil 1:6)

Beloved of God!!!! (Col 3:12; Rom 1:7; 1 Thess 1:4)

I HAVE:

The mind of Christ (Phil 2:5; 1 Cor 2:16)

Obtained an inheritance (Eph 1:11)

Overcome the world (1 John 5:4)

Everlasting life and will not be condemned (John 5:24 NIV; John 6:47)

The peace of God which passes ALL understanding (Phil 4:7)

I LIVE:

By and in the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:2)

I WALK:

In Christ Jesus (Col 2:6)

I CAN:

Do all things in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:13)

I SHALL:

Do even greater works than Christ Jesus (John 14:12)

I POSSESS:

The Greater One in me because greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world!!!!!!!! (1 John 4:4)

I PRESS:

Toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God (Phil 3:14)

I:

Always triumph in Christ!!!! (2 Cor 2:14)

MY LIFE:

Shows forth His praise (1 Pet 2:9)

Is hid with Christ in God (Col 3:3)

Top Words on FB from my posts..... how cool!?

And the results are:
1): god - used 32 times
2): really - used 30 times
3): today - used 25 times
4): excited - used 22 times
5): seriously - used 21 times
6): love - used 20 times
7): new - used 19 times
8): life - used 17 times
9): good - used 15 times
10): law - used 14 times

Joel Salatin advocates a better way to raise food | csmonitor.com

Joel Salatin advocates a better way to raise food | csmonitor.com

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