The Jezebel Spirit--some thoughts

The past few months have been interesting. I can feel a constant push/pull tug of war going on and it's exciting to be able to feel such things within me, as well as to see how it interacts with the world around me. One interesting change I've noted: "stories" in the Old Testament & New Testament aren't just "stories" anymore. They've become real on a more personal level, so much so that I've begun to see that the influences of the deep past are still prevalent today. They are still knocking around, still gaining a hold and threatening to tear those who love God most into itty-bitty shreds, a millimeter at a time. Doesn't seem like it's much at first, a millimeter. But it's rather like a jar of pennies. At first the little bits of copper don't seem like much, til the glass bouy you have them in shatters under the weight of all that copper.

I've been reading up on Jezebel. I think most people immediately associate the word Jezebel with promiscuity, lasciviousness, wantonness, sexual immorality, etc... But what I don't think a lot of people see is the underside of the Jezebel spirit: the manipulation, the control, the power-seeking hunger, the overreaching sense of SELF involved.They also don't see the counterpart to Jezebel: her husband Ahab, who to all intents and purposes was emasculated by his wife, thoroughly controlled, who basically abdicated his throne in favor of her rule (all behind the scenes of course). Here's the best part: Jezebel was a VERY devout woman. VERY DEVOUT. However, she violated the cardinal rule: Thou shalt have no other gods before Me (including the god of SELF, Baal, and Ashteroth).

Being fully submitted to God is hard work. Admitting that I am very good friends with the Spirit of Jezebel is humbling, and humiliating. Recognizing that I have walked in these shoes for 17 years, never realizing what I was doing to my partners, nor myself, is a test of self-awareness and openness to God's hand as nothing ever before. I still struggle, desperately at times, against my desire for a husband, a mate. And while I desire it, I still fear it, fear what I may turn into, as a wife. Do I lose respect for my husband? What if I make a mistake? What if what if what if....

It all goes back to being submitted to God. And it IS hard work, the hardest work I've ever undertaken in my entire life. However, if I'd wanted the easy life, I would have been married five times over by this point in time.

Long story short: daily awareness of submission is important, vastly far more important than whether or not a client has called in, returned paperwork, a coworker drives you nuts, someone from your small group who doesn't respect you, the fact that you're unhappy in your marriage, you feel desperately alone, your kids are heathen monsters, or the fact that the earth is currently going to hell in a handbasket and our nation is driving. Trusting in God, being SUBMITTED TO GOD, means trusting Him with the small stuff. Really. After all, He takes care of you, doesn't He? :P

Breaking the Cycle... A Daily, plus, my evening!!!!

God is truly good to me. God has been pushing me and working in me nonstop the past few months, and it's only going to get better! The past seven weeks in particular have been incredibly difficult as the layers of the onion that is my life slowly get peeled away. The more soft tissue underneath that gets exposed, the greater God's love for me shines.

Each week it's been a complete bombardment of God speaking and reaching out to me. If it's not what I'm learning in Living Waters, it's the sermons from the new church I've started seeking. If it's not one of those two, it's the Daily Devotionals that I get from New Life and Truth For Life. God is just seriously, seriously not letting me go, and not letting me down, either.

The encouragement I receive to truly press in to Him has been rewarded each and every step of the way. Tonight was just the icing on the cake. I can't imagine what's coming next.... but I'm excited!!!!! I really, really am!

For the first time in my life, I honestly feel FREE!!

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Breaking the Cycle
Bible Reading: Ecclesiastes 1:1-18
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.

Human existence consists of a series of patterns. Our world goes around the sun in an unending orbit; it spins on its axis with tireless regularity. Dysfunctional family patterns seem to resurface generation after generation in a wearying march of repetitious pain. We may grow tired and wonder if there's really any escape from the merry-go-round of addictive behavior and suffering.

King Solomon examined life and was discouraged by some of his observations. "Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes. The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again. The wind blows south, and then turns north. Around and around it goes, blowing in circles. Rivers run into the sea, but the sea is never full. Then the water returns again to the rivers. . . . Everything is wearisome beyond description. . . ._No matter how much we hear, we are not content" (Ecclesiastes 1:4-8).

Life can seem like one meaningless, wearying cycle after another. Solomon observed that our lives can be spent without ever going anywhere. He also wrote these instructions: "Follow the steps of good men instead, and stay on the paths of the righteous" (Proverbs 2:20). Throughout the Bible we see that life can be linear, leading somewhere. Even though we are powerless to stop all the destructive cycles around us, we can take our own steps in the direction of recovery and a new way of life.

Our efforts just add to the destructive cycles in life; only God can break them.

Moving Into The Future.... A Prayer by Stormie Omartian

Lord, where I have made the mistake of doing what I want and then expecting You to bless it, forgive me. Instead I ask what You want me to do, knowing that when I do Your will, You will bless me. Enable me to hear Your voice and trust Your leading. I want it said of me when I leave this earth and go to be with You, that I walked with God. I want it said that Your glory was seen in my life. I trust my future to You, knowing You have it safely in Your hands.

'Arise, shine; for your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and deep darkness the people; but the Lord will arise over you, and His glory will be seen upon you.' -- Isaiah 60:1-2