a few things... Gardening pics, Exodus 4 and Matthew Henry's Commentary

The Second Book of Moses: Called Exodus

4:1 And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The LORD hath not appeared unto thee.

4:2 And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod.

4:3 And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it.

4:4 And the LORD said unto Moses, Put forth thine hand, and take it by the tail. And he put forth his hand, and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand:

4:5 That they may believe that the LORD God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, hath appeared unto thee.

4:6 And the LORD said furthermore unto him, Put now thine hand into thy bosom. And he put his hand into his bosom: and when he took it out, behold, his hand was leprous as snow.

4:7 And he said, Put thine hand into thy bosom again. And he put his hand into his bosom again; and plucked it out of his bosom, and, behold, it was turned again as his other flesh.

4:8 And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe thee, neither hearken to the voice of the first sign, that they will believe the voice of the latter sign.

4:9 And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe also these two signs, neither hearken unto thy voice, that thou shalt take of the water of the river, and pour it upon the dry land: and the water which thou takest out of the river shall become blood upon the dry land.

4:10 And Moses said unto the LORD, O my LORD, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.

4:11 And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD?

4:12 Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.

4:13 And he said, O my LORD, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send.

4:14 And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses, and he said, Is not Aaron the Levite thy brother? I know that he can speak well. And also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thee: and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart.

4:15 And thou shalt speak unto him, and put words in his mouth: and I will be with thy mouth, and with his mouth, and will teach you what ye shall do.

4:16 And he shall be thy spokesman unto the people: and he shall be, even he shall be to thee instead of a mouth, and thou shalt be to him instead of God.

4:17 And thou shalt take this rod in thine hand, wherewith thou shalt do signs.

4:18 And Moses went and returned to Jethro his father in law, and said unto him, Let me go, I pray thee, and return unto my brethren which are in Egypt, and see whether they be yet alive. And Jethro said to Moses, Go in peace.

4:19 And the LORD said unto Moses in Midian, Go, return into Egypt: for all the men are dead which sought thy life.

4:20 And Moses took his wife and his sons, and set them upon an ass, and he returned to the land of Egypt: and Moses took the rod of God in his hand.

4:21 And the LORD said unto Moses, When thou goest to return into Egypt, see that thou do all those wonders before Pharaoh, which I have put in thine hand: but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go.

4:22 And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel is my son, even my firstborn:

4:23 And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me: and if thou refuse to let him go, behold, I will slay thy son, even thy firstborn.

4:24 And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him.

4:25 Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.

4:26 So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision.

4:27 And the LORD said to Aaron, Go into the wilderness to meet Moses. And he went, and met him in the mount of God, and kissed him.

4:28 And Moses told Aaron all the words of the LORD who had sent him, and all the signs which he had commanded him.

4:29 And Moses and Aaron went and gathered together all the elders of the children of Israel:

4:30 And Aaron spake all the words which the LORD had spoken unto Moses, and did the signs in the sight of the people.

4:31 And the people believed: and when they heard that the LORD had visited the children of Israel, and that he had looked upon their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshipped.

Matthew Henry Complete Commentary
on the Whole Bible

Exodus 4

This chapter, I. Continues and concludes God's discourse with Moses at the bush concerning this great affair of bringing Israel out of Egypt. 1. Moses objects the people's unbelief (Exodus 4:1), and God answers that objection by giving him a power to work miracles, (1.) To turn his rod into a serpent, and then into a rod again, Exodus 4:2-5. (2.) To make his hand leprous, and then whole again, Exodus 4:6-8. (3.) To turn the water into blood, Exodus 4:9. 2. Moses objects his own slowness of speech (Exodus 4:10), and begs to be excused (Exodus 4:13); but God answers this objection, (1.) By promising him his presence, Exodus 4:11,12. (2.) By joining Aaron in commission with him, Exodus 4:14-16. (3.) By putting an honour upon the very staff in his hand, Exodus 4:17. II. It begins Moses's execution of his commission. 1. He obtains leave of his father-in-law to return into Egypt, Exodus 4:18. 2. He receives further instructions and encouragements from God, Exodus 4:19,21-23. 3. He hastens his departure, and takes his family with him, Exodus 4:20. 4. He meets with some difficulty in the way about the circumcising of his son, Exodus 4:24-26. 5. He has the satisfaction of meeting his brother Aaron, Exodus 4:27,28. 6. He produces his commission before the elders of Israel, to their great joy, Exodus 4:29-31. And thus the wheels were set a going towards that great deliverance.
The Objections of Moses Overruled. B. C. 1491.

1 And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The LORD hath not appeared unto thee. 2 And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod. 3 And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it. 4 And the LORD said unto Moses, Put forth thine hand, and take it by the tail. And he put forth his hand, and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand: 5 That they may believe that the LORD God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, hath appeared unto thee. 6 And the LORD said furthermore unto him, Put now thine hand into thy bosom. And he put his hand into his bosom: and when he took it out, behold, his hand was leprous as snow. 7 And he said, Put thine hand into thy bosom again. And he put his hand into his bosom again; and plucked it out of his bosom, and, behold, it was turned again as his other flesh. 8 And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe thee, neither hearken to the voice of the first sign, that they will believe the voice of the latter sign. 9 And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe also these two signs, neither hearken unto thy voice, that thou shalt take of the water of the river, and pour it upon the dry land: and the water which thou takest out of the river shall become blood upon the dry land.

It was a very great honour that Moses was called to when God commissioned him to bring Israel out of Egypt; yet he is with difficulty persuaded to accept the commission, and does it at last with great reluctance, which we should rather impute to a humble diffidence of himself and his own sufficiency than to any unbelieving distrust of God and his word and power. Note, Those whom God designs for preferment he clothes with humility; the most fit for service are the least forward.

I. Moses objects that in all probability the people would not hearken to his voice (Exodus 4:1), that is, they would not take his bare word, unless he showed them some sign, which he had not been yet instructed to do. This objection cannot be justified, because it contradicts what God had said (Exodus 3:18), They shall hearken to thy voice. If God says, They will, does it become Moses to say, They will not? Surely he means, "Perhaps they will not at first, or some of them will not." If there should be some gainsayers among them who would question his commission, how should he deal with them? And what course should he take to convince them? He remembered how they had once rejected him, and feared it would be so again. Note, 1. Present discouragements often arise from former disappointments. 2. Wise and good men have sometimes a worse opinion of people than they deserve. Moses sad (Exodus 4:1), They will not believe me; and yet he was happily mistaken, for it is said (Exodus 4:31), The people believed; but then the signs which God appointed in answer to this objection were first wrought in their sight.

II. God empowers him to work miracles, directs him to three particularly, two of which were now immediately wrought for his own satisfaction. Note, True miracles are the most convincing external proofs of a divine mission attested by them. Therefore our Saviour often appealed to his works (as John 5:36), and Nicodemus owns himself convinced by them, John 3:2. And here Moses, having a special commission given him as a judge and lawgiver to Israel, has this seal affixed to his commission, and comes supported by these credentials.

1. The rod in his hand is made the subject of a miracle, a double miracle: it is but thrown out of his hand and it becomes a serpent; he resumes it and it becomes a rod again, Exodus 4:2-4. Now, (1.) Here was a divine power manifested in the change itself, that a dry stick should be turned into a living serpent, a lively one, so formidable a one that Moses himself, on whom, it should seem, it turned in some threatening manner, fled from before it, though we may suppose, in that desert, serpents were no strange things to him; but what was produced miraculously was always the best and strongest of the kind, as the water turned to wine: and, then, that this living serpent should be turned into a dry stick again, this was the Lord's doing. (2.) Here was an honour put upon Moses, that this change was wrought upon his throwing it down and taking it up, without any spell, or charm, or incantation: his being empowered thus to act under God, out of the common course of nature and providence, was a demonstration of his authority, under God, to settle a new dispensation of the kingdom of grace. We cannot imagine that the God of truth would delegate such a power as this to an impostor. (3.) There was a significancy in the miracle itself. Pharaoh had turned the rod of Israel into a serpent, representing them as dangerous (Exodus 1:10), causing their belly to cleave to the dust, and seeking their ruin; but now they should be turned into a rod again: or, thus Pharaoh had turned the rod of government into the serpent of oppression, from which Moses had himself fled into Midian; but by the agency of Moses the scene was altered again. (4.) There was a direct tendency in it to convince the children of Israel that Moses was indeed sent of God to do what he did, Exodus 4:5. Miracles were for signs to those that believed not, 1 Corinthians 14:22.

2. His hand itself is next made the subject of a miracle. He puts it once into his bosom, and takes it out leprous; he puts it again into the same place, and takes it out well, Exodus 4:6,7. This signified, (1.) That Moses, by the power of God, should bring sore diseases upon Egypt, and that, at his prayer, they should be removed. (2.) That whereas the Israelites in Egypt had become leprous, polluted by sin, and almost consumed by oppression (a leper is as one dead, Numbers 12:12), by being taken into the bosom of Moses they should be cleansed and cured, and have all their grievances redressed. (3.) That Moses was not to work miracles by his own power, nor for his own praise, but by the power of God and for his glory; the leprous hand of Moses does forever exclude boasting. Now it was supposed that, if the former sign did not convince, this latter would. Note, God is willing more abundantly to show the truth of his word, and is not sparing in his proofs; the multitude and variety of the miracles corroborate the evidence.

3. He is directed, when he shall come to Egypt, to turn some of the water of the river into blood, Exodus 4:9. This was done, at first, as a sign, but, not gaining due credit with Pharaoh, the whole river was afterwards turned into blood, and then it became a plague. He is ordered to work this miracle in case they would not be convinced by the other two. Note, Unbelief shall be left inexcusable, and convicted of a wilful obstinacy. As to the people of Israel, God had said (Exodus 3:18), They shall hearken; yet he appoints these miracles to be wrought for their conviction, for he that has ordained the end has ordained the means.

10 And Moses said unto the LORD, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue. 11 And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD? 12 Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say. 13 And he said, O my Lord, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send. 14 And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses, and he said, Is not Aaron the Levite thy brother? I know that he can speak well. And also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thee: and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart. 15 And thou shalt speak unto him, and put words in his mouth: and I will be with thy mouth, and with his mouth, and will teach you what ye shall do. 16 And he shall be thy spokesman unto the people: and he shall be, even he shall be to thee instead of a mouth, and thou shalt be to him instead of God. 17 And thou shalt take this rod in thine hand, wherewith thou shalt do signs.

Moses still continues backward to the service for which God had designed him, even to a fault; for now we can no longer impute it to his humility and modesty, but must own that here was too much of cowardice, slothfulness, and unbelief in it. Observe here,

I. How Moses endeavours to excuse himself from the work.

1. He pleads that he was no good spokesman: O my Lord! I am not eloquent, Exodus 4:10. He was a great philosopher, statesman, and divine, and yet no orator; a man of a clear head, great thought, and solid judgment, but had not a voluble tongue, or ready utterance, and therefore he thought himself unfit to speak before great men about great affairs, and in danger of being run down by the Egyptians. Observe, (1.) We must not judge of men by the readiness and fluency of their discourse. Moses was mighty in word (Acts 7:22), and yet not eloquent: what he said was strong and nervous, and to the purpose, and distilled as the dew (Deuteronomy 32:2), though he did not deliver himself with that readiness, ease, and elegance, that some do, who have not the tenth part of his sense. St. Paul's speech was contemptible, 2 Corinthians 10:10. A great deal of wisdom and true worth is concealed by a slow tongue. (2.) God is pleased sometimes to make choice of those as his messengers who have fewest of the advantages of art or nature, that his grace in them may appear the more glorious. Christ's disciples were no orators, till the Spirit made them such.

2. When this plea was overruled, and all his excuses were answered, he begged that God would send somebody else on this errand and leave him to keep sheep in Midian (Exodus 4:13): "Send by any hand but mine; thou canst certainly find one much more fit." Note, An unwilling mind will take up with a sorry excuse rather than none, and is willing to devolve those services upon others that have any thing of difficulty or danger in them.

II. How God condescends to answer all his excuses. Though the anger of the Lord was kindled against him (Exodus 4:14), yet he continued to reason with him, till he had overcome him. Note, Even self-diffidence, when it grows into an extreme--when it either hinders us from duty or clogs us in duty, or when it discourages our dependence upon the grace of God--is very displeasing to him. God justly resents our backwardness to serve him, and has reason to take it ill; for he is such a benefactor as is before-hand with us, and such a rewarder as will not be behind-hand with us. Note further, God is justly displeased with those whom yet he does not reject: he vouchsafes to reason the case even with his froward children, and overcomes them, as he did Moses here, with grace and kindness.

1. To balance the weakness of Moses, he here reminds him of his own power, Exodus 4:11. (1.) His power in that concerning which Moses made the objection: Who has made man's mouth? Have not I the Lord? Moses knew that God made man, but he must be reminded now that God made man's mouth. An eye to God as Creator would help us over a great many of the difficulties which lie in the way of our duty, Psalms 124:8. God, as the author of nature, has given us the power and faculty of speaking; and from him, as the fountain of gifts and graces, comes the faculty of speaking well, the mouth and wisdom (Luke 21:15), the tongue of the learned (Isaiah 50:4); he pours grace into the lips, Psalms 45:2. (2.) His power in general over the other faculties. Who but God makes the dumb and the deaf, the seeing and the blind? [1.] The perfections of our faculties are his work, he makes the seeing; he formed the eye (Psalms 94:9); he opens the understanding, the eye of the mind, Luke 24:45. [2.] Their imperfections are from him too; he make the dumb, and deaf, and blind. Is there any evil of this kind, and the Lord has not done it? No doubt he has, and always in wisdom and righteousness, and for his own glory, John 9:3. Pharaoh and the Egyptians were made deaf and blind spiritually, as Isaiah 6:9,10. But God knew how to manage them, and get himself honour upon them.

2. To encourage him in this great undertaking, he repeats the promise of his presence, not only in general, I will be with thee (Exodus 3:12), but in particular, "I will be with thy mouth, so that the imperfection in thy speech shall be no prejudice to thy message." It does not appear that God did immediately remove the infirmity, whatever it was; but he did that which was equivalent, he taught him what to say, and then let the matter recommend itself: if others spoke more gracefully, none spoke more powerfully. Note, Those whom God employs to speak for him ought to depend upon him for instructions, and it shall be given them what they shall speak, Matthew 10:19.

3. He joins Aaron in commission with him. He promises that Aaron shall meet him opportunely, and that he will be glad to see him, they having not seen one another (it is likely) for many years, Exodus 4:14. He directs him to make use of Aaron as his spokesman, Exodus 4:16. God might have laid Moses wholly aside, for his backwardness to be employed; but he considered his frame, and ordered him an assistant. Observe, (1.) Two are better than one, Ecclesiastes 4:9. God will have his two witnesses (Revelation 11:3), that out of their mouths every word may be established. (2.) Aaron was the brother of Moses, divine wisdom so ordering it, that their natural affection one to another might strengthen their union in the joint execution of their commission. Christ sent his disciples two and two, and some of the couples were brothers. (3.) Aaron was the elder brother, and yet he was willing to be employed under Moses in this affair, because God would have it so. (4.) Aaron could speak well, and yet was far inferior to Moses in wisdom. God dispenses his gifts variously to the children of men, that we may see our need one of another, and each may contribute something to the good of the body, 1 Corinthians 12:21. The tongue of Aaron, with the head and heart of Moses, would make one completely fit for this embassy. (5.) God promises, I will be with thy mouth, and with his mouth. Even Aaron, that could speak well, yet could not speak to purpose unless God was with his mouth; without the constant aids of divine grace the best gifts will fail.

4. He bids him take the rod with him in his hand (Exodus 4:17), to intimate that he must bring about his undertaking rather by acting than by speaking; the signs he should work with this rod might abundantly supply the want of eloquence; one miracle would do him better service than all the rhetoric in the world. Take this rod, the rod he carried as a shepherd, that he might not be ashamed of that mean condition out of which God called him. This rod must be his staff of authority, and must be to him in stead both of sword and sceptre.
Moses Returns in Egypt. B. C. 1491.

18 And Moses went and returned to Jethro his father in law, and said unto him, Let me go, I pray thee, and return unto my brethren which are in Egypt, and see whether they be yet alive. And Jethro said to Moses, Go in peace. 19 And the LORD said unto Moses in Midian, Go, return into Egypt: for all the men are dead which sought thy life. 20 And Moses took his wife and his sons, and set them upon an ass, and he returned to the land of Egypt: and Moses took the rod of God in his hand. 21 And the LORD said unto Moses, When thou goest to return into Egypt, see that thou do all those wonders before Pharaoh, which I have put in thine hand: but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go. 22 And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel is my son, even my firstborn: 23 And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me: and if thou refuse to let him go, behold, I will slay thy son, even thy firstborn.

Here, I. Moses obtains leave of his father-in-law to return into Egypt, Exodus 4:18. His father-in-law had been kind to him when he was a stranger, and therefore he would not be so uncivil as to leave his family, nor so unjust as to leave his service, without giving him notice. Note, The honour of being admitted into communion with God, and of being employed for him, does not exempt us from the duties of our relations and callings in this world. Moses said nothing to his father-in-law (for aught that appears) of the glorious manifestation of God to him; such favours we are to be thankful for to God, but not to boast of before men.

II. He receives from God further encouragements and directions in his work. After God had appeared to him in the bush to settle a correspondence, it should seem, he often spoke to him, as there was occasion, with less overwhelming solemnity. And, 1. He assures Moses that the coasts were clear. Whatever new enemies he might make by his undertaking, his old enemies were all dead, all that sought his life, Exodus 4:19. Perhaps some secret fear of falling into their hands was at the bottom of Moses's backwardness to go to Egypt, though he was not willing to own it, but pleaded unworthiness, insufficiency, want of elocution, &c. Note, God knows all the temptations his people lie under, and how to arm them against their secret fears, Psalms 142:3. 2. He orders him to do the miracles, not only before the elders of Israel, but before Pharaoh, Exodus 4:21. There were some alive perhaps in the court of Pharaoh who remembered Moses when he was the son of Pharaoh's daughter, and had many a time called him a fool for deserting the honours of that relation; but he is now sent back to court, clad with greater powers than Pharaoh's daughter could have advanced him to, so that it might appear he was no loser by his choice: this wonder-working rod did more adorn the hand of Moses than the sceptre of Egypt could have done. Note, Those that look with contempt upon worldly honours shall be recompensed with the honour that cometh from God, which is the true honour. 3. That Pharaoh's obstinacy might be no surprise nor discouragement to him, God tells him before that he would harden his heart. Pharaoh had hardened his own heart against the groans and cries of the oppressed Israelites, and shut up the bowels of his compassion from them; and now God, in a way of righteous judgment, hardens his heart against the conviction of the miracles, and the terror of the plagues. Note, Ministers must expect with many to labour in vain: we must not think it strange if we meet with those who will not be wrought upon by the strongest arguments and fairest reasonings; yet our judgment is with the Lord. 4. Words are put into his mouth with which to address Pharaoh, Exodus 4:22,23. God had promised him (Exodus 4:12), I will teach thee what thou shalt say; and here he does teach him. (1.) He must deliver his message in the name of the great Jehovah: Thus saith the Lord; this is the first time that preface is used by any man which afterwards is used so frequently by all the prophets: whether Pharaoh will hear, or whether he will forbear, Moses must tell him, Thus saith the Lord. (2.) He must let Pharaoh know Israel's relation to God, and God's concern for Israel. Is Israel a servant? is he a home-born slave? Jeremiah 2:14. "No, Israel is my son, my firstborn, precious in my sight, honourable, and dear to me, not to be thus insulted and abused." (3.) He must demand a discharge for them: "Let my son go; not only my servant whom thou hast no right to detain, but my son whose liberty and honour I am very jealous for. It is my son, my son that serves me, and therefore must be spared, must be pleaded for," Malachi 3:17. (4.) He must threaten Pharaoh with the death of the first-born of Egypt, in case of a refusal: I will slay thy son, even thy firstborn. As men deal with God's people, let them expect to be themselves dealt with; with the froward he will wrestle.

III. Moses addresses himself to this expedition. When God had assured him (Exodus 4:19) that the men were dead who sought his life, immediately it follows (Exodus 4:20), he took his wife, and his sons, and set out for Egypt. Note, Though corruption may object much against the services God calls us to, yet grace will get the upper hand, and will be obedient to the heavenly vision.
The Circumcision of the Son of Moses. B. C. 1491.

24 And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him. 25 Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me. 26 So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision. 27 And the LORD said to Aaron, Go into the wilderness to meet Moses. And he went, and met him in the mount of God, and kissed him. 28 And Moses told Aaron all the words of the LORD who had sent him, and all the signs which he had commanded him. 29 And Moses and Aaron went and gathered together all the elders of the children of Israel: 30 And Aaron spake all the words which the LORD had spoken unto Moses, and did the signs in the sight of the people. 31 And the people believed: and when they heard that the LORD had visited the children of Israel, and that he had looked upon their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshipped.

Moses is here going to Egypt, and we are told,

I. How God met him in anger, Exodus 4:24-26. This is a very difficult passage of story; much has been written, and excellently written, to make it intelligible; we will try to make it improving. Here is,

1. The sin of Moses, which was neglecting to circumcise his son. This was probably the effect of his being unequally yoked with a Midianite, who was too indulgent of her child, while Moses was too indulgent of her. Note, (1.) We have need to watch carefully over our own hearts, lest fondness for any relation prevail above our love to God, and take us off from our duty to him. It is charged upon Eli that he honoured his sons more than God (1 Samuel 2:29); and see Matthew 10:37. (2.) Even good men are apt to cool in their zeal for God and duty when they have long been deprived of the society of the faithful: solitude has its advantages, but they seldom counterbalance the loss of Christian communion.

2. God's displeasure against him. He met him, and, probably by a sword in an angel's hand, sought to kill him. This was a great change; very lately God was conversing with him, and lodging a trust in him, as a friend; and now he is coming forth against him as an enemy. Note, (1.) Omissions are sins, and must come into judgment, and particularly the contempt and neglect of the seals of the covenant; for it is a sign that we undervalue the promises of the covenant, and are displeased with the conditions of it. He that has made a bargain, and is not willing to seal and ratify it, one may justly suspect, neither likes it nor designs to stand to it. (2.) God takes notice of, and is much displeased with, the sins of his own people. If they neglect their duty, let them expect to hear of it by their consciences, and perhaps to feel from it by cross providences: for this cause many are sick and weak, as some think Moses was here.

3. The speedy performance of the duty for the neglect of which God had now a controversy with him. His son must be circumcised; Moses is unable to circumcise him; therefore, in this case of necessity, Zipporah does it, whether with passionate words (expressing her dislike of the ordinance itself, or at least the administration of it to so young a child, and in a journey), as to me it seems, or with proper words--solemnly expressing the espousal of the child to God by the covenant of circumcision (as some read it) or her thankfulness to God for sparing her husband, giving him a new life, and thereby giving her, as it were, a new marriage to him, upon her circumcising her son (as others read it)--I cannot determine: but we learn, (1.) That when God discovers to us what is amiss in our lives we must give all diligence to amend it speedily, and particularly return to the duties we have neglected. (2.) The putting away of our sins is indispensably necessary to the removal of God's judgements. This is the voice of every rod, it calls to us to return to him that smites us.

4. The release of Moses thereupon: So he let him go; the distemper went off, the destroying angel withdrew, and all was well: only Zipporah cannot forget the fright she was in, but will unreasonably call Moses a bloody husband, because he obliged her to circumcise the child; and, upon this occasion (it is probable), he sent them back to his father-in-law, that they might not create him any further uneasiness. Note, (1.) When we return to God in a way of duty he will return to us in a way of mercy; take away the cause, and the effect will cease. (2.) We must resolve to bear it patiently, if our zeal for God and his institutions be misinterpreted and discouraged by some that should understand themselves, and us, and their duty, better, as David's zeal was misinterpreted by Michal; but if this be to be vile, if this be to be bloody, we must be yet more so. (3.) When we have any special service to do for God we should remove as far from us as we can that which is likely to be our hindrance. Let the dead bury their dead, but follow thou me.

II. How Aaron met him in love, Exodus 4:27,28. 1. God sent Aaron to meet him, and directed him where to find him, in the wilderness that lay towards Midian. Note, The providence of God is to be acknowledged in the comfortable meeting of relations and friends. 2. Aaron made so much haste, in obedience to his God, and in love to his brother, that he met him in the mount of God, the place where God had met with him. 3. They embraced one another with mutual endearments. The more they saw of God's immediate direction in bringing them together the more pleasant their interview was: they kissed, not only in token of brotherly affection, and in remembrance of ancient acquaintance, but as a pledge of their hearty concurrence in the work to which they were jointly called. 4. Moses informed his brother of the commission he had received, with all the instructions and credentials affixed to it, Exodus 4:28. Note, What we know of God we should communicate for the benefit of others; and those that are fellow-servants to God in the same work should use a mutual freedom, and endeavour rightly and fully to understand one another.

III. How the elders of Israel met him in faith and obedience. When Moses and Aaron first opened their commission in Egypt, said what they were ordered to say, and, to confirm it, did what they were ordered to do, they met with a better reception than they promised themselves, Exodus 4:29-31. 1. The Israelites gave credit to them: The people believed, as God had foretold (Exodus 3:18), knowing that no man could do those works that they did, unless God were with him. They gave glory to God: They bowed their heads and worshipped, therein expressing not only their humble thankfulness to God, who had raised them up and sent them a deliverer, but also their cheerful readiness to observe orders, and pursue the methods of their deliverance.
Copyright Statement
These files are public domain and are a derivative of an electronic edition that is available on the Christian Classics Ethereal Library Website.

Bibliography Information
Henry, Matthew. "Complete Commentary on Exodus 4". "Matthew Henry Complete Commentary
on the Whole Bible". . 1706.

Greens, Greens, Greens....

I'll be posting pictures very soon of the seedlings I've got going. Unfortunately I think I'm not going to get any bells unless I get a cloche going a.s.a.p. The peppers that are growing in the greenhouse at Joe's Garden are envy-inspiring. Parke and I went to Joe's last weekend and walked through the greenhouses. The first deep breath upon entering the greenhouses filled me with an unspeakable joy. The smell! Ah the sweet, sweet smell!

I told Parke, you're looking at our future. He just smiled, and said, let's start small first.

Ah spring is in the air and I'm excited excited excited!

Humility... one of God's Lessons

The following came to my email inbox this morning. It couldn't have come at a more opportune time!

Humility

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." ~Col. 3:12

Very recently, God sent me back into the workforce. One of many things He said to me beforehand was "Humility." What I sensed that meant for me was that He purposed this job assignment to do a work of humility in me and that humility would be a key for survival. Whoa, was He right!

Divine humility is the opposite of pride. It is confidence in God, not self. It is unpretentiousness at its finest. It was the walk of Jesus, and it can be ours if we choose it or, as in my case, thrust into it.

Contrary to some beliefs, true humility is not passive, pathetic or weak. Rather, it is divinely powerful. It does not pause at or placate to foolishness. Rather, it ushers in unity. It does not damage us or grieve the Holy Spirit. Rather, it honors God, and God, in turn, honors us when we exercise it according to His plan (Prov. 15:33). Like truth, humility is a swift and divine weapon of righteousness, unity, love and wisdom that we can choose to wield.

Many of us understand that we are to humble ourselves before the Lord. But what about choosing humility in the face of false accusers, persecutors, people who intend to harm us? People who compete with us? People who react out of fear and insecurity? The ones the enemy uses to separate believers and thwart divine plans. The ones God uses to test us? Jesus chose humility. His example was an important demonstration for us, a divine strategy, an assignment from The Father.

Surely, as He painfully hung on the cross with undeserved insults hurled at Him, His flesh and His heart ached for relief. But He knew He was on a high mission to save a world of people for generations. He knew His role of obedience and love, of priority, of divine purpose. He knew divine truth in the face of ignorance. He knew His Father and the humbling power of His love and mercy, and He was obedient to the call, even though it opposed man's limited understanding.

Jesus did not fall to the enemy's devices. He needed no man's approval, only His Father's. He trusted in His Father's plan. He understood that humbling Himself unto the Father also meant responding with humility to man (Titus 3:2). He knew that God's grace would sufficiently carry Him through the mission and that His divine purpose would be fulfilled regardless of man's actions. Indeed, God was in control.

It is difficult to provoke a truly humble person into a dispute because they will lean into God's powerful love, peace and mercy when attacked, just like Jesus. Simply put: Humble people do not react to other people's issues. They are not controlled by them. They respond in the Spirit because they do not feel the need to prove their worth to others. They know their security and identity rests in Christ, even if others do not. They are committed to the Lord's ways, and they are purposed. They are too dedicated in seeking the Lord's righteousness and humility to give way to futile, self-exalting spats. They hold onto God's power like a lifeline, and they are not willing to foolishly let it go.

You will know humble people by the fruit they bear and the mercy, peace and sincerity they exhibit (James 3:13-18). This is because God can work His virtues through a humble person, whereas, with a prideful person, this cannot be. Rather, selfishness rules, leaving little space for God to operate. When we choose selfishness, we get what we choose: Our limitations.

Conversely, the humble journey is a true adventure. There is great freedom and excitement in soaring with our trustworthy God. Yielded to Him, He will take us higher than we can venture on our own or even imagine. Yielded to Him, we receive His supernatural power, favor, rewards, strength, provision, love, grace, mercy and strategies to complete divinely-appointed assignments that are larger than we. Is there any greater thrill?

Who among us couldn't use more divine humility? I am challenged daily to respond to circumstances like Jesus, in His strength, His power and His love. It is a process, a lifestyle, a series of moment-by-moment choices, a walk. If you would like to break out of the prison of limitation, repent and take hold of the Lord's hand. Choose to trust Him. Soar with Him. And prepare to be awed like never before!

Here's to the end of an era....

Okay, not really. But I am feeling a little bit dramatic right now. I finished a twelve hour shift today at the coffee shop (because I was a ninny and didn't check my schedule before I over-committed myself with two fellow employees!!!! argh!), my feet feel like they're about to fall right off, and I remember looking at the clock every hour or so the entire night last night. I'm obviously feeling sorry for myself right now! (haha) Actually, I'm just bone, bone tired. Second night in a row of not sleeping, and it's dragging on me. I need to pray. I haven't done that in awhile; I mean really, REALLY pray. Mouthing platitudes and saying grace at dinner are not the same.

I'm thankful as all get-out that this last quarter is over. It amazes me how I always tackle insane schedules, and yet usually come out smelling like roses. Of course, my body doesn't feel like it's a perfect spring flower right now, and I think I need to wake up and realize that I am, wholeheartedly, NOT in my early twenties anymore. It's funny, I realized today that in a few short months I will be thirty-two. Wow, when did THAT happen?? I really do remember turning thirty just the other day. At least, it feels like that. I remember the days in California when I was very very young seeming to just go so slowly, you could easily pick out this and that happening, like dust motes easily seen on a sunny day. But now, it seems as if life is FLYING by, like that ridiculous and slightly nauseating star-field screen saver on the computer. Sometimes, I feel dizzy just from the pace of things. Feeling dizzy from the pace of life means one thing: Time To Get On The Farm.

Speaking of "farm".... I started our first sets of onions, chives, bells, and lettuce a week or so ago. Maybe it was two weeks ago. I easily lose track, now. I'd have to go upstairs and look at the date written on them.
Anyways, I'm pleased as peas! The romaine and butterhead are going like gangbusters, and it's almost time for me to get them into their own space so they can start spreading their wings and root in somethin' fierce.

The other day Parke and I were driving back from Seattle (moving for him! eep) and I couldn't help this overwhelming feeling of needing to get my hands in the dirt. I watched all the hawks and the fields that we passed, and I commented to him that I absolutely cannot wait until we have a place where we can finally begin to hear the rhythm and timing of the land and get to know the animals that share that space. I know, I know, I sound like some goofball hippy. Well, I'm serious though. God gave us this earth to cherish and STEWARD, not to abuse and pass over. I don't know exactly where I got this deep urge to start planting and putting roots and reconnecting, but I know it started happening about five years ago when I began to realize the dire straits our country was headed towards. I've had friends laugh at me for my doom and gloom predictions, but my study of history has given me a very deep belief that the world we live in will not last beyond ten more years. I used to think about twenty, but things recently have begun to accelerate far faster than I had expected, and I have this overwhelming voice-in-the-back-of-my-heart urging me faster and faster, to get done and get land and get to growing. It first showed up in 2004, and it's only grown louder and louder.

Anyways, I need to end this jibber jabber and hit the hay. First day at my internship tomorrow! Need to rest up and be ready ready ready!

Stalin, Obama, and incompetent snow-drivers....

“Everyone agrees that all Americans deserve access to affordable health care,” Mr. Boehner said in a statement, “but is increasing taxes during an economic recession, especially on small businesses, the right way to accomplish that goal?”

Sadly, the answer is NO. No once, No twice, ALWAYS NO.
This reminds me of what happened when Stalin came into power and instituted the "Great Terror" in the late 1930s. He destroyed the vitality of the Russian people by stifling the innovation and ability to adapt. He did this, via murder and expatriation, but it really comes down to the same thing. When you take away someone's freedom to do some thing, regardless of what that thing is, you take away their ability to adapt, and to innovate. People who cannot adapt, die. They stagnate. They cannot change, they cannot INVENT, they cannot be FREE.

Anyways, that's my thought for the day. And, this too: If there's four inches of snow on the ground, it doesn't mean the school system should SHUT DOWN for an extra two hours while people who should know how to drive in snow by now, can mosey on in to work. Can you tell I'm frustrated? Seriously. *sigh*

Tavener's Svyati: O Holy One, and Oswald Chambers

I'm listening to a cellist, Steven Isserlist, play the above song, and it's haunting, and stirring, and all of those things that music should be. I really, really like the cello.

Evocative.

This also accurately describes the past two days' readings from Oswald Chambers' "My utmost for His highest".

The first, Feb 21:

If what we call love doesn’t take us beyond ourselves, it is not really love. If we have the idea that love is characterized as cautious, wise, sensible, shrewd, and never taken to extremes, we have missed the true meaning. This may describe affection and it may bring us a warm feeling, but it is not a true and accurate description of love.

Have you ever been driven to do something for God not because you felt that it was useful or your duty to do so, or that there was anything in it for you, but simply because you love Him? Have you ever realized that you can give things to God that are of value to Him? Or are you just sitting around daydreaming about the greatness of His redemption, while neglecting all the things you could be doing for Him? I’m not referring to works which could be regarded as divine and miraculous, but ordinary, simple human things— things which would be evidence to God that you are totally surrendered to Him. Have you ever created what Mary of Bethany created in the heart of the Lord Jesus? "She has done a good work for Me."

There are times when it seems as if God watches to see if we will give Him even small gifts of surrender, just to show how genuine our love is for Him. To be surrendered to God is of more value than our personal holiness. Concern over our personal holiness causes us to focus our eyes on ourselves, and we become overly concerned about the way we walk and talk and look, out of fear of offending God. ". . . but perfect love casts out fear . . ." once we are surrendered to God ( 1 John 4:18 ). We should quit asking ourselves, "Am I of any use?" and accept the truth that we really are not of much use to Him. The issue is never of being of use, but of being of value to God Himself. Once we are totally surrendered to God, He will work through us all the time.

The second, Feb 22:

Be still, and know that I am God . . . —Psalm 46:10

Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered. Our greatest fear is not that we will be damned, but that somehow Jesus Christ will be defeated. Also, our fear is that the very things our Lord stood for— love, justice, forgiveness, and kindness among men— will not win out in the end and will represent an unattainable goal for us. Then there is the call to spiritual perseverance. A call not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately, knowing with certainty that God will never be defeated.

If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, "because you have kept My command to persevere . . ." ( Revelation 3:10 ).
Continue to persevere spiritually.



These readings really made an impact upon me, and it always startles me when I see something in print and it takes my breath away and I feel sucker-punched. Not painful, so much as, breathless. Without breath.

Seeing the words, "Be still, and know that I am God" really, REALLY does that to me. I have words tattooed on my wrists (yes, I have tattoos from before I was baptized) that read, Just Breathe, Let It Go. I've always struggled with being able to breathe, to not white-knuckle life. All of life. Every little facet. I have, a few times in my short life thus far, been able to breathe, and let go. To open the hands and let go.

Seeing the words, "Be still, and know that I am God" brings to mind a panicked mare, skittish, unwilling to trust, and having a skilled handler shush her, whisper the right words, and with gentle hands, bring her back down to a state of calm and focused awareness.

There is so much more that I want to say here, but I'm running on an empty tank and I've got work early in the morning. Perhaps I'll find the inspiration to finish these thoughts tomorrow. But honestly, I doubt it. Midterms, and projects, and the like.

p.s. planting starts soon.

Oswald Chambers...truly a blessed soul to pass on insight and strength

Put Trust in God First.

Our Lord never put His trust in any person. Yet He was never suspicious, never bitter, and never lost hope for anyone, because He put His trust in God first. He trusted absolutely in what God’s grace could do for others. If I put my trust in human beings first, the end result will be my despair and hopelessness toward everyone. I will become bitter because I have insisted that people be what no person can ever be— absolutely perfect and right. Never trust anything in yourself or in anyone else, except the grace of God.

Put God’s Will First.

"Behold, I have come to do Your will, O God" (Hebrews 10:9).

A person’s obedience is to what he sees to be a need— our Lord’s obedience was to the will of His Father. The rallying cry today is, "We must get to work! The heathen are dying without God. We must go and tell them about Him." But we must first make sure that God’s "needs" and His will in us personally are being met. Jesus said, ". . . tarry . . . until you are endued with power from on high" ( Luke 24:49 ). The purpose of our Christian training is to get us into the right relationship to the "needs" of God and His will. Once God’s "needs" in us have been met, He will open the way for us to accomplish His will, meeting His "needs" elsewhere.

Put God’s Son First.

"Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me" ( Matthew 18:5 ).

God came as a baby, giving and entrusting Himself to me. He expects my personal life to be a "Bethlehem." Am I allowing my natural life to be slowly transformed by the indwelling life of the Son of God? God’s ultimate purpose is that His Son might be exhibited in me.

The Value of Prayer

I have a lot on my plate right now, as do most people with lives. I can't talk about all of it, I've got two more case files to read through in order to be "on top of things". The first example of case law I had to read tonight was fifty-nine pages of legalese. Whew. Good thing I find this interesting.

I wanted to post real quick though, regarding how powerful prayer truly is. In my own life, and most especially these past two years, my prayers have been answered in many ways, and each time it is always for the best.

The past days in this new year have been full of prayer, for a dear friend who finally had her newest son, and for others experiencing a dark patch in their lives. Prayer is truly powerful! I challenge anyone to thirty days of daily, mindful, honest conversation with God. I truly believe that at the end of those thirty days, you will truly feel a deeper connection to Him Most High.

God's Word, Matthew Henry, Thomas Jefferson, Wendell Berry, et al.

The title reflects where I've been these past few days. I have no (or very little) motivation towards finishing these last few days of the quarter. I really would love nothing better than to curl up with the above and read and snuggle in my big bed. However, I am not completely irresponsible. I have been going to work, I have been tutoring, I have been working on revisions and such for the final portfolio due Thursday. Tonight, I'm skipping my tutoring session in favor of a study session in Sumas, (boonies!) for my math class. If I can pull off this quarter, I can pull off anything. I'm feeling rather ragged, but the end is in sight: Thursday at 5pm, I am done with this edition.

I'm reading Exodus right now, well, P and I are, each on our own and then talking about what we've read the following evening. Having Matthew Henry's Commentary is beneficial, and enlightening. I've been taking notes, and as always, marking in my books. I can't seem to stop myself, and I find that I absolutely love it, making God's Word a more real experience, a growing and evolving relationship. I used to believe that the Bible was to be kept sparkling clean. But one day, sitting in service, I looked to my left, and this young man had his Bible marked up, sticky-noted, and the overwhelming feeling I got from seeing that was: "Oh wow. He really reads his Bible."

Think about that for a minute. He really reads his Bible.

Wendell Berry, in an interview in July of 2008 (The Sun), states that "[r]eal reading, of course, is a kind of work. But it's lovely work. To read well, you have to respond actively to what the writer's saying. You can't just lie there on the couch and let it pour over you. You may have to read with a pencil in hand and underline passages and write notes in the margins. The poet John Milton understood that the best readers are rare. He prayed that he might 'a fit audience find, though few'".

I feel very strongly now, that I am finally READING my Bible. Establishing a deeper connection with God's Word, and listening to His Voice with more open ears. I honestly suggest it to anyone who does not currently mark up their Bible.

And, I have one last announcement, and prayer request. Several of my friends are pregnant, or have just had their babies, and I would ask that each of you please say a prayer of thanksgiving and for protection for these new lives. They are each and every one a blessing, and deserve the very best that God has for them. Also, two good friends of mine are having a spot of marital discord. I would ask that you pray for them, as well. I am of course not mentioning names, but I fully believe that God's on top of it all, and obviously knows who you're talking about. And finally, a wonderful person who comes to my coffee shop with his wonderful little dog is having open heart surgery on the 16th. Please pray that he has a safe and uneventful experience, and that he heals as God sees fit.

Thank you all! And have a wonderful God-Inspired Day!!!!!

Living Fearlessly...

This morning, in my email inbox, this little gem (!) was waiting for me. Granted, I didn't have time until almost eleven to take a peek, but I'm so very glad that I did. Some choice words that really struck me this morning:

"So the banks were fine after all. Just a little blip. Phew. But then something bigger hit me, much more troublesome. For one, I was ashamed how quickly I allowed myself to get freaked out over my own over-active imagination (though in this economic climate, it wasn’t that far-fetched to imagine!). For two—and this was the biggie—I realized that never in my worry had I prayed or sought God’s counsel or comfort. I ultimately found relief in my Blackberry.
This wasn’t the first time this sort of thing had happened. While I’m not necessarily a worrywart, I do have a tendency to let stress take hold, to let my mind go to the most extreme scenarios, and then, worst of all, to forget that indeed God is Lord of all. And that that same God—who is Lord of all—has told me not to be afraid, not to worry, and to take heart—because he has overcome this world of troubles.
And yet, how quickly I forget when things get scary, worrisome, and troubling. How quickly I turn to things like email alerts—and what other people are telling are telling me about situations—while forgetting to seek the Voice that really matters.
Even in times such as these, which seem awfully scary, I want to live fearlessly. But I need help. Any tips?"

What's amazing to me is that, on a regular basis, such thoughts and feelings are my life. That's what I experience. And it's only now and again that I truly realize, this is NOT what He intended.
I've had fits and starts of reading regularly in my Bible, and fits and starts of praying regularly, and fits and starts of this and that. But inevitably, those fits and starts never lead to what I want, a mature relationship with Christ as my Lord, and Savior. I like to tell myself that I'm getting better at it, this ephemerous-relationship-thing, but there's still a huge part of me that believes that you aren't truly "there" until it's PERFECT. Is that real? Or is that the Devil I'm listening to?
A lot of things are confusing, at times. But I do know, honestly, that if I ask, I shall receive, and the door shall be opened to me, if I knock. I guess old habits are hard to break, because knocking and asking are still pretty difficult for me. I am, however, getting better at it.

Composting Toilet... odor-free? I'm VERY interested in learning more....

And you should be too!

Odor-free Enclosed Long Term Composting Toilets.

I'm going to do more research.

Seriously? You've GOT to be kidding me....

This is the one time I am going to say this.

If you chose to live under supposed democratic rule, you cannot then turn around and say, "majority rule should not set the law.""

That's a complete oxymoron if ever I heard one.
Please notice that I am NOT in any way shape or form casting judgment upon someone's lifestyle. I believe in tolerance. However, I do NOT believe in stupidity. And that statement is purely that: stupid.

Rediscovering Quiet

It's been an interesting few days, I'll say that. I'm house-sitting for the Lake Samish branch of the "family" while they are away. And since P and I moved away from the Lake House, life is... rather louder. I am currently living with two girls, soon to be three, and they're ALL roughly 10 years younger than I am. It makes for a slightly louder house than I'm used to. I'm closer to the "5" (freeway) too, so it's a constant background rumble. Not as loud as P's in Seattle, but still. It's noticeable. Or, it was. When I first moved to the new apt, I couldn't sleep because of the noise. Out here at the Lake, the "noise" came from the owls and the other critters... and very occasionally the obnoxious neighbors (youth, what is happening!!!) throwing parties. So now that I'm BACK here, now it's the LACK of noise that's been keeping me awake. Plus the memories of this house, and my best-best friend, and his niece when I was the "nanny". Ah boy, those were the days!

It's very strange to be in a house where all of your memories are with someone you love dearly, or their family, or little ones, or the wonderful dog. Now, the house is silent. And I'm beginning to understand a slight bit of what I had before when I lived alone for so many years. I never felt the silence as much as I do now, and I wonder if this is what widowhood feels like. It never seemed to bother me so much before, just in the odd moments when the silence seemed to be too much and I would seek communion with others just for the simple joy of hearing a voice.

This isn't the same feeling as that desperate call from Mt. Baker, crying out for you to come visit her and smell the scents of the land and just "get away" and "be silent" for awhile. There is something almost desolate, and despairing, of an empty house where once there was laughter and joy and quiet companionship. I wonder if that is why I feel such affinity for old farm houses? I see them, ramshackle and wearing down at the seams, and I want to go play and fix them. Fill them to bursting with children and laughter and arguments and love.

I think this is all brought on by the passing of the dear old dog, late last evening. It's an interesting experience for me to have an animal pass, that wasn't killed for food, or buried on the land where we can go visit. And, of course, he wasn't mine. Mine in a sense of borrowed, as I visited often, and he was a regular fixture at our place, visiting and craftily seeking carbohydrate-rich treats. But not, "mine" mine. I can feel their pain, and I grieve with them, but it's not the same richness, or texture, as when it's "mine" mine.

Which brings me to my next subject. Alastair Begg. I have been slowly getting caught back up on the past week's sermons. Right now, he's going over 1 Peter 5. Amazing stuff. I'm finding myself actually opening the Big Book to the right passage and reading ahead of time, then listening in, and beginning to understand. Or at least, develop a deeper understanding of the Word. (Reminds me, P and I went to Cafe Adagio on his trip-before-last and there is a copy of Matthew Henry's there. We explored Genesis a bit, which is where in the Big Book we're currently at, together.)

Anyways. This particular sermon was very very very moving to me, so much so that I wrote down feverishly and re-listened, and re-listened, and re-listened some more just to make sure I got it all down in black and white!

Here's what caught me so firmly:

"Christian faith does not remove us from the painful experiences of life in a fallen world. It is faulty thinking . . . which finds those who name the name of Jesus Christ, scurrying around, either denying the fact of suffering (thereby making a liar of themselves) or seeking to run away from suffering, assuming that down that street where there is none of this experience (suffering) there will be progress and blessing in our lives. We must be honest with ourselves. (I am paraphrasing here:) We have the gift of Jesus Christ, a man without sin, but NOT without sorrows. Isaiah 53, which says, He is despised and rejected of men; A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: And we hit as it were our faces from him; He was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, And carried our sorrows.".

"Loved ones, if you've been going through your days, and I've been going through my days, deciding on the basis of my own faulty logic, that somehow suffering is never in the purposes of God and that when it comes I should either deny it or run from it, then we are missing the point completely. In actuality, more spiritual progress is made through our tears, than our laughter. Think it out."

Today has just been an interesting day, and lots of changes coming all at once, and I'm learning to stop listening to the devil and his sly words, casting doubt and attempting to drive a wedge between my Savior and myself.
And if I'm all over the place on this post, I will either attempt to correct it at another time when I'm not punch-drunk from being up too late, or I'll just leave be. Most likely, just leave be.

Don't forget!
Praise God today!
And All Your Days!

God's Word

I am always struck by the importance of the messages that Alastair Begg delivers to us, daily.

"When slothfulness comes, dangers stand thick about us. Peter says, 'Our activity must be self-controlled and alert'".

"Standing firm in the faith. Victory in resisting the devil is not based on our personal tenacity. Rather it is upon the basis of the faith which is ours in Christ. In adhering to the work of Jesus upon the cross where he defeated the devil, and if you like, holding up that standard. Not our ability to hold IT, but our willingness to hold TO it. We resist him, firm in the faith, when we put on the helmet of salvation. So, when the devil comes and attacks us with doubts, we say, I know you're here to make me doubt, but Jesus died on the cross for me, and I am wearing the helmet of salvation, so BE GONE."

What an immensely powerful thing, to hear the Word of God, and to know It is Right.

It makes me consider the events of these past few weeks, and to wonder how I could have acted in order to help resolve issues. The one thing I keep coming back to is, perhaps these things were meant to happen the way they have, that perhaps ears are not open to hear, just as I did not, for years and years, content to react to everything and think that I was, of course, not at fault.

It was always easier for me to react to others, and not look within myself, to see that perhaps it was my actions that were at the root of the conflict. It was always easier to simply leave, without bothering to have a good sit-down and try to work things out. I behaved that way for the majority of my life, thus far. I have run away from relationships, school, my family, and my best friends, simply because it was far easier to cut losses and run, burn my bridges, than to turn and face and take the risk that perhaps things might work out, and perhaps they might not. Fear governs us all, and it's a terrible, terrible thing. To leave oneself open, to try again, to resolve conflict, it's difficult. I know what that is like, and I always ran from it.

But, I have indeed grown, immensely, in these last two years. I have learned what it is, to leave yourself open. It's painful, at times, and also incredibly rewarding. You simply have to TRUST, that all will be well, regardless of how it feels, right then. And if you absolutely have the best intentions at heart, and can communicate, and be willing to hear another side and to compromise, then all things do indeed work out the way they are meant to.

His plan is indeed infinite.

p.s. I just stumbled onto the information about Englishman John Newton, who coined the hymn "Amazing Grace". Here's some information on his life, and God's Amazing gift of GRACE to those who never ever deserved it, including ME.

Ask, and You Shall Receive

God Is So Good!!

This has never been more apparent to me than in the last week. God does indeed deliver, especially when you leave the details up to Him.

God has moved things in my direction that I never expected, and knowing that I have Him to rely on is so amazing. I asked, and I am receiving. I picked up an extra two hours/week this afternoon for tutoring. I'm so very, very excited. I need those hours. I also told the asst. mgr. at the college that I'd be willing to work 7-11am, Tues-Thurs to pick up extra hours for them until the end of this quarter, and that I'd be willing to work M-Th 7-12 next quarter. She looked really excited to hear about that, I wonder if the head mgr will go for it. I hope so, but if she does not, then I'll keep looking for extra income. We did a cost analysis equation in my math class today, and for some reason it really struck me that the faster we can get our debt paid down, the easier it will be for us to buy our farm. I knew all this, intellectually, but for some strange reason, it hit me straight in the heart, and I'm filled with this drastic urging to get it done yesterday. I want to be free of these ties.

In other news, I've been listening to more Willie Nelson and crew than I normally do. I know it has a lot to do with the "season". Every October 31st, my mood shifts to appreciating the oncoming snow and winter... Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my father's passing. I always get very nostalgic during this season, and think so much about how much he'd just love P. He would love to see how much I glow when I am with him, how much at peace I am, now that I've recognized Christ as my God and Savior, and he would absolutely be thrilled with our plans for a farm and going back to the way things used to be, homesteading. It's a return to my roots, and I know he would be tickled pink. I also know how thrilled and tickled he would be, seeing my younger siblings doing so well, having babies to continue the bloodline, getting married, and such. One of these days, I will be making a trip to California to see them, before we head to the East Coast.

It's funny how things change, but somehow we're the same. Principles remain, and yearnings still happen.

Oh One More Thing Quick!

Thanks to my wonderful friend M, who brought back several skirts from her recent trip to visit family, I have been able to wear skirts for the last five days straight. I've never felt more feminine, or at peace, than any other time I can remember. It feels WONDERFUL!!! I've talked with P regarding this craving of mine, to return to wearing skirts, and he fully supports it, and indeed says that I look quite wonderful and seem to be happier than ever in doing so, and if so, then to definitely continue. It is so wonderful to have someone in my life who continues to be a huge support, as well as a good shoulder, and a delightful ear.

A Much-Blessed Day.... Memories and Ponderings of November 11

I've not gone to bed yet. I've been reading. Yes, reading. Blogs, actually. Homesteading blogs, specifically. I listened to the Monday Truth For Life Broadcast, read some from 1 Peter, and then got sucked into Mr. Herrick Kimball's blog on cider, and from there, it was just all over.

I went to a fantastic blog on homesteading and rabbitry, then on to goats, and then soap making. All told, I think I've been reading blogs for the last few hours. Lots of information being "stored in that little ant brain of" mine. 10 bonus points for anyone who can guess where that quote comes from. Okay here's a hint: it's my FAVORITE movie. Well, one of the top 50, at least. I used to watch it every night before sleep. Sometimes, while asleep.

In other news, we've lost one roommate. So we were once four, and now we are three. But we will soon be back to four, in February, as the Em returns from Japan. I've been reading her blog postings off and on about her experiences in Japan, and they're quite interesting. I will say this: I'm glad I live here. Even for all my grumbling about the state of our nation and true freedom etc etc... I definitely appreciate my ability to even GRUMBLE.

I made (from scratch, mind you!) my great-great grandmother Santalina's (Grandma Lena) potato gnocchi. It was FANTASTIC. The girls really enjoyed it, and while it took me a bit to get the dough right, it all came out perfect in the end. I could only eat half my portion, talk about filling! Whew! I also made a marsala/mushroom carbonara to go with it. Yum, Yum! I think I might try my hand at making a large batch, putting them in a batch of chicken broth and canning them, to see how they turn out. I would hope they would stay firm and tender (is that an oxymoron?) like a good batch of matzo ball soup.

That's been my major adventure for the day, although I did help rearrange one of the roommates' rooms so that she now has an immensely-efficient-usage-of-space in her room, and can now even lay cross-wise on the floor if she so chose. I'm pretty happy about that, too. It's wonderful to feel helpful!

P.S. read Ecclesiastes, and 1 Peter! Great stuff!

God's Hand....

Hidden at times, but always, always present.
This week, I've been bonked on the head more times than I can remember in recent history. I've begun praying in the mornings again, something I was convicted to do, earlier this year, but as with most things, practice makes perfect and I have been too lazy to make it a habit and practice.
This morning, I felt I had to read Ecclesiastes. I'm very grateful that I did, for I stumbled onto things that are true treasures, things that I'd seen before, but had managed to forget.

Ecclesiastes 9
Everyone Will Die
9:1 So I reflected on all this, attempting to clear it all up.
I concluded that the righteous and the wise, as well as their works, are in the hand of God;
whether a person will be loved or hated –
no one knows what lies ahead.
9:2 Everyone shares the same fate –
the righteous and the wicked,
the good and the bad,
the ceremonially clean and unclean,
those who offer sacrifices and those who do not.
What happens to the good person, also happens to the sinner;
what happens to those who make vows, also happens to those who are afraid to make vows.

9:3 This is the unfortunate fact about everything that happens on earth:
the same fate awaits everyone.
In addition to this, the hearts of all people are full of evil,
and there is folly in their hearts during their lives – then they die.

Better to Be Poor but Alive than Rich but Dead
9:4 But whoever is among the living has hope;
a live dog is better than a dead lion.
9:5 For the living know that they will die, but the dead do not know anything;
they have no further reward – and even the memory of them disappears.
9:6 What they loved, as well as what they hated and envied, perished long ago,
and they no longer have a part in anything that happens on earth.

Life is Brief, so Cherish its Joys
9:7 Go, eat your food with joy,
and drink your wine with a happy heart,
because God has already approved your works.
9:8 Let your clothes always be white,
and do not spare precious ointment on your head.
9:9 Enjoy life with your beloved wife during all the days of your fleeting life
that God has given you on earth during all your fleeting days;
for that is your reward in life and in your burdensome work on earth.
9:10 Whatever you find to do with your hands,
do it with all your might,
because there is neither work nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom in the grave,
the place where you will eventually go.

Wisdom Cannot Protect against Seemingly Chance Events
9:11 Again, I observed this on the earth:
the race is not always won by the swiftest,
the battle is not always won by the strongest;
prosperity does not always belong to those who are the wisest,
wealth does not always belong to those who are the most discerning,
nor does success always come to those with the most knowledge –
for time and chance may overcome them all.
9:12 Surely, no one knows his appointed time!
Like fish that are caught in a deadly net, and like birds that are caught in a snare –
just like them, all people are ensnared at an unfortunate time that falls upon them suddenly.

Most People Are Not Receptive to Wise Counsel
9:13 This is what I also observed about wisdom on earth,
and it is a great burden to me:
9:14 There was once a small city with a few men in it,
and a mighty king attacked it, besieging it and building strong siege works against it.
9:15 However, a poor but wise man lived in the city,
and he could have delivered the city by his wisdom,
but no one listened to that poor man.
9:16 So I concluded that wisdom is better than might,
but a poor man’s wisdom is despised; no one ever listens to his advice.

Wisdom versus Fools, Sin, and Folly
9:17 The words of the wise are heard in quiet,
more than the shouting of a ruler is heard among fools.
9:18 Wisdom is better than weapons of war,
but one sinner can destroy much that is good.

Ecclesiastes 11

Ignorance of the Future Demands Diligence in the Present
11:1 Send your grain overseas,
for after many days you will get a return.
11:2 Divide your merchandise among seven or even eight investments,
for you do not know what calamity may happen on earth.
11:3 If the clouds are full of rain, they will empty themselves on the earth,
and whether a tree falls to the south or to the north, the tree will lie wherever it falls.
11:4 He who watches the wind will not sow,
and he who observes the clouds will not reap.
11:5 Just as you do not know the path of the wind,
or how the bones form in the womb of a pregnant woman,
so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.
11:6 Sow your seed in the morning,
and do not stop working until the evening;
for you do not know which activity will succeed –
whether this one or that one, or whether both will prosper equally.

Life Should Be Enjoyed Because Death is Inevitable
11:7 Light is sweet,
and it is pleasant for a person to see the sun.
11:8 So, if a man lives many years, let him rejoice in them all,
but let him remember that the days of darkness will be many – all that is about to come is obscure.

Enjoy Life to the Fullest under the Fear of God
11:9 Rejoice, young man, while you are young,
and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth.
Follow the impulses of your heart and the desires of your eyes,
but know that God will judge your motives and actions.
11:10 Banish emotional stress from your mind.
and put away pain from your body;
for youth and the prime of life are fleeting.

Ron Paul, Oct 29, 2008

The Blessing of Thoughtlessness

I wasn't prepared for that message in my inbox. I've been having a rough few days (granted not nearly as rough as some of us...) and generally just indulging in feeling like poo. Insecurities and other like idiocies are rearing their ugly little heads, and as a result, I'm not sleeping very well because of the dreams. I've been trying to wrap my head around them and get them to go away, mind you without prayer, which is just plain stupid. But then, sometimes stupid is as stupid does.... and here's the result. Imagine my surprise when once again, He manages to still send me His word and His wisdom, telling me to just stop it already, and quit thinking such things so much.

He's right. He's always right. When am I going to clue in to that fact, and stop being so headstrong and so sure that my way is the right way? Sometimes this stumbling thing feels like it's a never-ending struggle.