"So the banks were fine after all. Just a little blip. Phew. But then something bigger hit me, much more troublesome. For one, I was ashamed how quickly I allowed myself to get freaked out over my own over-active imagination (though in this economic climate, it wasn’t that far-fetched to imagine!). For two—and this was the biggie—I realized that never in my worry had I prayed or sought God’s counsel or comfort. I ultimately found relief in my Blackberry.
This wasn’t the first time this sort of thing had happened. While I’m not necessarily a worrywart, I do have a tendency to let stress take hold, to let my mind go to the most extreme scenarios, and then, worst of all, to forget that indeed God is Lord of all. And that that same God—who is Lord of all—has told me not to be afraid, not to worry, and to take heart—because he has overcome this world of troubles.
And yet, how quickly I forget when things get scary, worrisome, and troubling. How quickly I turn to things like email alerts—and what other people are telling are telling me about situations—while forgetting to seek the Voice that really matters.
Even in times such as these, which seem awfully scary, I want to live fearlessly. But I need help. Any tips?"
What's amazing to me is that, on a regular basis, such thoughts and feelings are my life. That's what I experience. And it's only now and again that I truly realize, this is NOT what He intended.
I've had fits and starts of reading regularly in my Bible, and fits and starts of praying regularly, and fits and starts of this and that. But inevitably, those fits and starts never lead to what I want, a mature relationship with Christ as my Lord, and Savior. I like to tell myself that I'm getting better at it, this ephemerous-relationship-thing, but there's still a huge part of me that believes that you aren't truly "there" until it's PERFECT. Is that real? Or is that the Devil I'm listening to?
A lot of things are confusing, at times. But I do know, honestly, that if I ask, I shall receive, and the door shall be opened to me, if I knock. I guess old habits are hard to break, because knocking and asking are still pretty difficult for me. I am, however, getting better at it.