so what does it really mean, to surrender?

Last Sunday, I happened to read my daily Oswald Chambers book: "My Utmost for His Highest" and stumbled upon the following gem:

"True surrender is not simply surrender of our external life but surrender of our will— and once that is done, surrender is complete. The greatest crisis we ever face is the surrender of our will. Yet God never forces a person’s will into surrender, and He never begs. He patiently waits until that person willingly yields to Him. And once that battle has been fought, it never needs to be fought again.

Surrender for Deliverance. "Come to Me . . . and I will give you rest" ( Matthew 11:28 ). It is only after we have begun to experience what salvation really means that we surrender our will to Jesus for rest. Whatever is causing us a sense of uncertainty is actually a call to our will— "Come to Me." And it is a voluntary coming.

Surrender for Devotion. "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself . . . " (Matthew 16:24). The surrender here is of my self to Jesus, with His rest at the heart of my being. He says, "If you want to be My disciple, you must give up your right to yourself to Me." And once this is done, the remainder of your life will exhibit nothing but the evidence of this surrender, and you never need to be concerned again with what the future may hold for you. Whatever your circumstances may be, Jesus is totally sufficient (see 2 Corinthians 12:9 and (Philippians 4:19).

Surrender for Death. ". . . another will gird you . . ." (John 21:18 ; also see John21:19 ). Have you learned what it means to be girded for death? Beware of some surrender that you make to God in an ecstatic moment in your life, because you are apt to take it back again. True surrender is a matter of being "united together [with Jesus] in the likeness of His death" ( Romans 6:5 ) until nothing ever appeals to you that did not appeal to Him.

And after you surrender— then what? Your entire life should be characterized by an eagerness to maintain unbroken fellowship and oneness with God."

So what then, does surrender really look like? I've thought in the past that I'd truly surrendered. And in fact, in looking back a year ago, I'd thought that I'd surrendered then, too. But given the events of the past two and a half years, I'm beginning to realize that while I may have thought that I'd surrendered... I really never did. Not wholey, not completely. But now, now I'm beginning to realize that it is time. It is fully time, and it is fully God's Will that this should happen. I am beginning to realize how desperately He craves me. And that is an amazing thing to know, and to finally begin believing.